He has been off the road for two months, he said. His segues weren’t going to quite segue and he was working out the kinks of a few new bits. he warned the crowd.
And no, he told them, he had no Robin Williams suicide bits worked out. Not that he was going soft; celebrity death has always been fair game to the acerbic comic, whose favorite go-to word begins with “f.” But he simply couldn’t find anything that would work with the manner in which the famed comedian committed suicide. Williams, officials reported this week, hung himself with a belt from his door in his California home on Monday.
“Every time a comic dies, my phone goes crazy. ‘Dude, I worry about you.’ F••• you!” Stanhope, 47, said.
Stanhope might have been searching for his Robin Williams moment Tuesday night, and some of his bits came out a bit clunky, but his diehard fans, who filled the Congress showroom to capacity and spilled out into the back bar area, learned something about Stanhope: Even on a bad night, he is a very funny man.
Some highlights from the comedian who calls Bisbee home:
• “Hipsters are hippies who think, ‘Hey, money’s not a bad thing’.”
• “Surfers were born hippies but realized, ‘Oh, I’m strong’ so they become bullies.”
• The question of whether NFL players want to share a shower with St. Louis Rams rookie Michael Sam, the first pro football player to come out publicly as gay, brings up a better question: “These are f****** multimillionairs. Why do they have to shower together? In what other business do people shower together?”
• He’s suffering from hernias and his doctor — Dr. Google — tells him that it is likely caused by one of two things: alcoholism or pregnancy. “Well I was drinking a lot and the condom broke.”
• He once shaved his head all over except for a thinning patch on top just to prove to his longtime girlfriend Amy “Bingo” Bingaman that he did not have a bald spot “Do I have to say I was drunk? My friends in Bisbee said, ‘What happened? Did you lose a bet?’ ‘No, I won one’.”
* “Mickey Rooney died a pauper. A pauper is someone who is poor. He died with only $18,000 to his name. (Apparently) pauper doesn’t mean broke at all.”
• Parents should be required to be responsible for their children beyond 18 years old, especially if those children are mentally ill. “Who left the crazy in the park? Come pick up your crazy. You made him, come pick him up.”
*”I would sue my parents if they were alive today for having me without my consent.”
• Former Los Angeles cop Christopher Dorner, who went on a shooting rampage and eluded police for several days in California in 2013 before being killed, left a suicide note listing several comedians he admired. Stanhope was not on the list, which included Margaret Cho and Ellen DeGeneres. “Is that what you listen to when you want to kill people? Margaret Cho?”
• He approached Popov Vodka for a sponsorship and was told “Popov will not touch Doug Stanhope with a 10-foot barge pole.” So every night on stage, Stanhope brings out an empty plastic Popov jug, recounts the story and pledges he will continue aligning himself with the brand “until they serve me with a cease and desist order.”
Stanhope heads to New York’s Highline Ballroom Friday for three shows this weekend before coming back to the West Coast for several California concerts later this month.
Pick up today's Caliente to see what life is like for Doug Stanhope in Bisbee.