DEAR AMY: I recently found the man of my dreams. We’ve been dating a little over a month, and even though we’re still in the puppy love stage, we see a real future together.
Timing seems to be the enemy here as I’ve been trying to follow my passion and have dreamed of becoming a teacher for the past three years. I have now landed a job six hours away. I start in a month.
I was upfront with him when we started dating, and he reassured me we’d work through it. We’ve talked more recently about visiting each other twice a month and him potentially moving up there in December.
Do long-distance relationships ever work out, especially after knowing someone for such a short time? He’s done long distance in the past, but she cheated on him.
I leave soon and he is working on big projects at work, leaving very little time for us. This is challenging because he is tired and worn out at the end of the day.
I tell him every day all the things I love about him but I don’t say, “I love you.” He does the same thing. I am worried that might scare him off. The “L word” is a big thing, but I don’t want to leave town without him knowing how I feel.
Is it possible for such a new relationship to work out long distance? Is it too early to tell this man that I love him? — Not Enough Time
DEAR ENOUGH: It is definitely possible for your relationship to work out long distance; in fact, given the fact that you are starting a new job and your love interest is working on challenging projects, this distance might give you both the freedom you need to fulfill your professional pursuits, while giving this new relationship time to grow.
Long-distance relationships can be wonderful, fulfilling and exciting. Don’t crowd him too much now and don’t lay heavy emotions on the table (I do think it’s too early to launch a spring-loaded “L word” in his direction). Determine that you will stay open and optimistic about the possibilities.
DEAR AMY: Some years ago, my wife reconnected with an old boyfriend, “Ray,” on Facebook. I don’t have any problem with this; I keep up with a few old girlfriends on Facebook, too. We’ve been married nearly 30 years and are approaching 60. Our trust issues are long behind us.
Today, she told me that she just found out that Ray died. His wife put a notice up on his Facebook wall.
My wife wants to send a note of condolence. I’m concerned that this could be a really bad idea. Though my wife and I might not have any issues with recontacting old flames, his wife could jump to the conclusion that this was an active romantic relationship, even though we live on opposite coasts and my wife hasn’t seen this person in more than 30 years.
What do you think? Let sleeping ex-boyfriend’s wife lie? Or run the risk of creating a disturbance for someone in the midst of some traumatic times? — Husband
DEAR HUSBAND: If this wife has full access to her late husband’s Facebook account, she is going to see his activity. Regardless, your wife should express her condolences: “I was so saddened to learn of Ray’s death. Though I hadn’t seen him in many years, I remember him as a wonderful person and I can imagine the void his passing has left in your life. My husband and I send our condolences to you and your family.”
DEAR AMY: The letter in your column from “Flustered” sent chills up my spine. This poor former teacher was literally held hostage at her home by the mother of a student. It sounded like this mom has some serious boundary issues, obviously, but also mental illness.
Flustered should look into getting mental health counseling for this person. She sounds scary. — Worried
DEAR WORRIED: I don’t know if I would advise getting involved to this extent, although I definitely think “Flustered” should call the police if this person crosses the line into frightening territory again.