‘Sticky and disgusting” used to be my youngest granddaughter’s favorite assessment of certain things she found objectionable. I told her it would also be a great name for a punk girl band.
She’s moved on to other phrases. So have I — at least as far as that girl band thing. Now my nomination for sticky and disgusting would have to go to just about any movie theater floor.
Soda spill residue, butter popcorn remains, crushed Milk Duds — take your pick for what clings to your soles long after the credits have rolled.
It could be worse — and probably will be — with the news that some theater chains are offering full meals, as well as beer and wine, to their customers.
We’re not talking pizza and nachos here. Instead, think blackened salmon and tenderloin steak tips — all served chairside. Served, I might add, while the movie is playing.
And you thought people became enraged if you left your cellphone on vibrate. Just wait until the guy next to you chows down on a few ribs before tossing the bones onto the floor. Or lets a meatball slide off of his plate and onto your right sandal.
A few logistical concerns: How does the wait staff find you in the dark? And how, pray tell, can you figure out what you’re eating without a flashlight?
Then there’s the scenario of the picky eater who sends her salad back because she got honey mustard dressing instead of raspberry vinaigrette.
I also wonder where all this gourmet cooking is going on — between the Coke and popcorn machines? Not hardly. Chances are, these “gourmet” meals are all being trucked in just the way they do with airline food.
There’s only one advantage I see in all this: If you arrive at your seat at the same time the movie is supposed to start, you’ll easily have time to polish off a three-course meal — thanks to 14 movie trailers, six outright commercials and four warnings to turn off your cellphone.
The last time I took my granddaughters to the movies, they ate all their popcorn, went to the bathroom twice, took a nap and asked when we were going home — all before the movie started.
They’re not alone. Starting Oct. 1, new guidelines asked for and issued by the National Association of Theatre Owners will go into effect, limiting the length of movie trailers to two minutes each.
Of course, even two minutes is too much to bear for theater-goers used to DVRing right through the commercials on their television sets. Good luck ever getting a remote control at the movie theater.
One last thing: Those new guidelines limiting the length of movie trailers are strictly voluntary. Which means in many theaters you should still have plenty of time to enjoy dessert — long before the main feature ever begins.