DEAR AMY: My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost three years and have now been broken up for a year.
I was trying to distance myself to move on, and I imagine she was doing the same. I have seen other girls and been in other relationships over the past year or so, but I am still having a hard time getting over her. I compare the girls I meet to her — and they don’t seem to measure up.
We saw each other last weekend at a party, and she told me that she still had feelings for me. My feelings for her have not gone away, and I have told her this.
She is leaving for school on the other side of the country for a year and doesn’t want to start a relationship, and I agree.
I am just confused about why she told me her feelings now — especially when she is leaving in a few weeks. I can picture being with her for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to pressure her or force anything on her, as it is not the best timing. I am just really confused what to do right now.
Do you have any thoughts? — 23 and Confused
DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex has probably had the same kind of year you have had — trying out various relationships and finding that they don’t add up to what she had with you.
Knowing that her plans are already in place makes it safe for her to admit all of this to you. This opens the door for you two to simply try to patiently tolerate the challenge, while welcoming the potential. You should admit to your confusion.
It’s OK not to know exactly what to do. You two are in a great place in many ways; you already know each other and you are in a better position, now, to know what you want.
DEAR AMY: I have a hard time getting it together when it comes to sending gifts to family members. My heart is in the right place; I purchase gifts and cards for graduations, birthdays and holidays, but I never send them.
What is the best way to let nieces, nephews and cousins know that I’ve been a flake all these years and that I am sorry I didn’t let them know that I care, now and on their special days?
They are no longer children, and so many celebrations have passed without recognition because my grand plans always fell through. Is it too late to make amends? What would I say? — Day Late, Dollar Short in Alaska
DEAR DAY LATE: Your query is a welcome respite from the usual onslaught of complaints about people who send gifts but never receive the gratitude.
Tape this phrase to your bathroom mirror: It is never too late to make amends.
Set aside a week to complete this task. Write to each person on your list. Here’s a script to get you started: “I am writing you with the awkward task of admitting that I am and always have been a complete flake when it came to acknowledging special days in your life. I have no excuse other than the fact that though my intentions have always been good, I simply could not get my act together over the years to send you cards, gifts, etc.
“I regret this so much and hope you can forgive me. I want you to know that I think about you often and would like to keep in better touch. At least — I promise to do a better job from here on out, and I hope you won’t give up on me.”
Enclosing a check might help.
DEAR AMY: “Technically Frustrated” was upset because her mom violated her privacy on Facebook. I was in a similar situation. My son sat down with me and explained the dangers of Facebook and taught me how to change my privacy settings so we were both happy.
I’m sure the mom is naive about where those pictures can go. — Judi
DEAR JUDI: This mom didn’t seem open to reason, but I’m happy you were.