Fitz: Arizona's Anti-Gay bill

2014-02-26T09:00:00Z 2014-02-27T12:11:57Z Fitz: Arizona's Anti-Gay billDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star​ Arizona Daily Star

A nation in central Africa just made it a crime to be gay. Uganda is now known as "the Arizona of Africa". We're a punchline, again.

This all came about because Arizona's conservatives are convinced our values are under attack. We need to put them gays and foreigners in their place. Waiting on tables in restaurants.

Arizona's anti-gay law will have a broad impact. Under Arizona's new gay discrimination law you can kiss your Oscar party goodbye. And forget the Tonys.  Making dinner reservations will be fun. How many in your party and will you prefer gay or non-gay seating? Gotcha.

This is great for our state's image. Arizona. Taking on the 21st century challenge of  gay mexican border crossers.

I can see the ad campign now to attract to attract corporations to our state: Virginia may be for Lovers but Arizona? Arizona is for haters. Come to Arizona and experience the dry hate firsthand.

Did you hear about the other religious liberty law? In Arizona it’s a crime to wear your religion anywhere but on your sleeve.

The advocates are motivated by their strongly held religious beliefs. This is my favorite scriptutre: As Jesus said in Melvin 3:18,” Wedding party in Cana? Sure! Wait just a Judean minute. I ain’t turning no water into wine for you fairies. Get thee behind me! On second thought, get thee hence!”

Watching Al Melvin spar with Anderson Cooper made me long to watch Slingblade debate String theory with Steven Hawking.

Arizona, the Christian state, last in education, last in child welfare but first in treating homosexuals like lepers. Have any of the proponents actually read the Bible? Will the Governor sign the bill? I think he will because he's sympathetic to the LGBT community. Brewer is a drag queen isn't he?

What have we learned from this? Arizona has taught the nation one thing we never fully realized. All wedding cake bakers are colossal buttheads itching for a fight. Must be all the sugar in that frosting.

Side note: When the Ayatollah Khomeni returned to Tehran with the Iranian revolution the graphic artist and filmmaker Marianne Satrapi said her parents were hopeful the intellectuals and the technocrats would, at long last, have an opportunity govern and reform the nation. Imagine their dismay when the deeply religious rural illiterates took over the country. Her words. See Tea Party.

Copyright 2014 Arizona Daily Star. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@tucson.com.

Fitz tweets

Deals, offers & events

View more...