Fitz Blog: Arizonapithecus Maricopa

2013-04-14T13:00:00Z 2013-04-14T14:30:09Z Fitz Blog: Arizonapithecus MaricopaDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star Arizona Daily Star

Deepening the mystery of human origins, researchers offered the most complete view yet of fossils from a puzzling forerunner of humankind, known as the Arizona legislator, revealing that these creatures were, from tiny head to size 12 boot, marvels of primitive anatomy.

In three research papers published in Labcoat Science, an international team described how the hominids had almost-human brains, knuckles that nearly touched terra firma and a spine that likely had the same number of vertebrae as a weasel.

Fossils from this ancient offshoot of the human family tree, called Arizonapithecus Maricopa, were discovered in 2013 in Phoenix, near the state capitol complex where they apparently foraged for fire, ideas, rodents, random thoughts, and insects, oftentimes falling prey to wily lobbyists and other predators.

These utterly incurious hominids held ideas favored two million years ago in an era that scientists consider the Witlless Age, when the illiterate and highly superstitious apelike hominid species struggled for survival in Tea Party tribal units.

The analysis by 267 scientists at 167 institutions world-wide involves three of those skeletons and a bolo tie. It documents Arizonapithecus Maricopa as a creature that stood barely rump-high to modern humans.

The discovery of a stapler in the Arizona Senate Majority Leader’s office suggests they used simple tools. Petey Jones, director of the human-origins program at the Indiana Jones National Museum of Natural History in Washington, noted "It is such an amalgam: It climbed cacti, walked on the ground, likely used tools and yet was an evolutionary dead end. Three-toed sloths were more advanced. They vanished when voters came out of a decades long stupor and drove them out of their habitat."

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About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@tucson.com.

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