Fitz Blog: Brewer gives Food Network the scoop on scorpions

2013-03-25T08:30:00Z 2013-03-25T08:48:46Z Fitz Blog: Brewer gives Food Network the scoop on scorpionsDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star Arizona Daily Star

ARIZONA GOVERNOR STILL CONSUMES A SCORPION A DAY

Ignoring the protest of PETA activists Arizona Governor Jan Brewer still begins each day with a bowl of fresh live scorpions for breakfast.

Our Food Network correspondent, Cookie Grubsteak, recently  sat down with the author of “Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America's Border”and asked her about her diet.

Where do you get your scorpions from?

     My personal chef, Bull Weevil, gets them from Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Joe has a detail of deputies hunting for scorpions full time in his infamous tent city jail. Or sometimes I find them skittering around my office. I call them Arizona Lobsters.You should try one!

No, thanks. How does one prepare a scorpion for dining?

     I don’t. I just pick them up by their tail, pop them in my mouth and chew. Here. You try it. Squirmy wigglers ain’t they? here. You pick one up and toss it my way across my desk. Toss it in my mouth. I’ll catch it. Like a kernel of  popcorn!

No, thanks, Governor. What’s the best part of a scorpion?

     I like the heads. They’re juicy, like grapes. The legs and the tail can be a problem. I have to floss after every breakfast. You don’t want to give a speech to the legislature with a scorpion tail stuck between your choppers-- still twitching. Looks bad.( Brewer laughs and slaps her knee)

Isn’t scorpion venom bad for digestion?

     I didn’t know there was venom in those suckers. I was wondering why I get itchy all over and feel kind of faint now and then.(She pauses the interview to check her tongue in her compact mirror) Does that look swollen to you? Never mind.

Is scorpion breath ever a problem?

     Remember that picture of me pointing my finger in President’s face? That smart aleck had just said,” Do you smell that? What is that smell? Is that you? It smells like rotting scorpions.” I shook my finger at him and told him I brush my teeth every day. The nerve. I had some of my special recipe "Maricopa Mouthwash" in my limo and was just fine.

Any other interesting dietary habits?

      I love Gila Monster tails, Rattlesnake eyes and Buzzard toes.

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About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@tucson.com.

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