1. Chris Christie signs on to gay conversion therapy ban and hires Richard Simmons as personal trainer. Slotted to appear on Born Winner.
  2. Tonight on Breaking Bad: Egypt muzzles press, shoots civilians and kidnaps President. Walt supplies meth to street protestors. Hank suspects it was a coup. Skylar launders General’s money.
  3. Obama was going to say the military takeover of Egypt is a coup until Former President Clinton reminded Obama it depends on what your definition of “is” is.
  4. In “Olympus has fallen 2” the democratically elected leader of Egypt is ousted by force. Secret Service and Navy Seals sit this one out while the meaning of the word “Coup” is debated by Bruce Willis, Denzel Washington and Morgan Freeman.
  5. The government admitted Area 51 is real and the only aliens there are the ones raking the gravel and trimming the hedges around the perimeter. I’m moving on. It’s Area 52 I’m paranoid about now.
  6. I saw an old pueblonian on the streets of the old pueblo asking an old pueblocite in an old pueblovian manner if he had ever seen any new or old pueblos in the old pueblo. Are you in touch with your inner pueblo? -Pueblo Casals
  7. Headline: Republican National Committee to hold primaries in real America inside Stephen King's dome, insisting on stricter control of media than North Korea.
  8. A propaganda poster selling the virtues of Egypt’s military strongman is a rip off of a Larry David poster. Swear to Allah, I am not making this up. I am so creeped out thinking the military strongman in Egypt likes to watch "Curb your enthusiasm". Hey, curb your bloodshed! Larry David has been outdone.
  9. The religious fundamentalists in American support the repression of the religious fundamentalists in Egypt because,"hey, those religious zealots are just plain nuts. Give them an inch and they take a mile. Look at us here, we're restricting abortion rights, denying homosexuals civil rights, and working to disenfranchise voters. But, hey, when Muslims pull that malarkey we totally freak out!"  Who put the "fun" in fundamentalism?
  10. John Huppenthal State Superintendent of Education said "Our school system needs to be compensated at least for inflation," he said. "And they need a little bit of catch-up ground from the cuts over the last couple of years made by complete and total cave dwellers like me. There’s hundreds of the knuckle draggers, each one twice as dumb as me and three times as stubborn. I hate them. Does that make me self-loathing?”