Presidential hopeful, State Senator Al Melvin, demonstrates how he'd give those," hippies and flag burners the good one-two right in the kisser."Photo by Benjie Sanders/Arizona Daily Star.

MARS - Three-term state Sen. Al Melvin announced Monday he intends to run for President of the United States this coming year. “Although it’s not an election year I’m not going to let that malarkey stand in my way.”

The Republican, whose district extends from Oro Valley through part of Never Neverland and into the Twilight Zone, said ," My campaign will focus largely on two issues: nuclear power vouchers and something else I can’t remember. Something to do with flags."

When asked if he believed he was qualified Melvin said," Do I look Kenyan to you? I was born in this country. I think America is ready to elect a an old white man with Lawrence Welk values. Now more than ever.”