The developers of a new student mega-dorm-casino-brothel and petting zoo in the West University neighborhood have upset their neighbors.  A spokesperson for the Bluto Blutarsky Student Housing Development Corporation, Otter Belchmore, said residents of the West University neighborhood are “buzzkills.”

Neighborhood activist, and Professor of Tesh Music Studies, Fern Tush said,”We thought we had an agreement.” What her neighborhood association had asked for was:

  • a noise wall
  • speed humps
  • modified exits
  • limits on pool parties.

Belchmore said what they will get is:

  • noise
  • flying mannikins
  • vomit landscaping
  • beer bottle hurling competitions
  • Roman bacchanal reenactments
  • free serenading after midnight
  • open BYOB invitation to all keggers

Councilman Kozachik is looking into the situation. "I can't believe they thought their offer of toasters and free earplugs would make this go away."