John Pedicone announced his resignation today as superintendent of the Tucson Unified School District this afternoon at Pima County’s Behavioral Health Pavilion Psychiatric Outpatient Clinic.

Escorted by a team of psychiatrists, Pedicone, who has led the area's largest school district since 2010, announced at the news conference that he is being treated for hallucinations and delusions that began at the same time as his tenure with the district.

“The docs say I’ve got PTSD, Post T.U.S.D. Stress Disorder and it will take me years to recover. My first delusion? I thought I could make a difference. I had already been the superintendent of an exceptional school district. When I was offered the job I thought what did I have to lose? I lost my mind, my friends and two years of sleep."

 Pedicone clutched a giant teddy bear close to his chest as he spoke.

"And then the hallucinations started. They got worse with every school board meeting. By the end of the first year the school board looked like the lineup of extraterrestrials from the Star Wars Cantina bar scene on Tatooine. That’s when I sought help. Thanks to to the recent care I’ve received I’ve snapped out of it and come to my senses. I am not a pinata - I am a human being. I’m going to sit on my porch, self-medicate with martinis and attempt to erase this nightmare from my memory.”