Here’s some free advice to the poor from one of my conservative chums, Ebeneezer Goldwater:

Get some cash by selling drugs or trying prostitution. Use the cash to buy some bootstraps and, for Pete’s sake, pull yourself up by them.

if you see a poor person be sure to tell them they need to get an education and a good job. They never thought of that. They'll be so grateful for the tip! You’ll make their day!

1 in 3 kids live in poverty here. Clearly the answer is to cut food stamps, slash education, teach abstinence only sex education, and lower taxes for the one percent.