Fitz Blog: The New World Odor

2013-04-17T14:00:00Z 2013-04-17T14:05:46Z Fitz Blog: The New World OdorDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star Arizona Daily Star

Suffering a collective attack of painful intestinal gas , a coterie of chronically flatulent Arizona Republicans warned of a new world odor at a  legislative hearing on the "Agenda 21 UN-Communist Conspiracy" last week in Phoenix. One by one , Republican lawmakers took to the podium, bent over and, in staccato bursts of malodorous thought that can best be summarized as "New World Odor Theory", warned of sinister plots backed by the federal government, the United Nations and headless illegals. One red-faced state representative said his colleagues should," take a deep breath and think long and hard about what they had just heard. I know I will."

The bloated Republican Sen. Judy Burges opened the meeting by warning that, " If you think we’re going to let up on this--well, don’t hold your breath.” The day-long hearing held at the Legislature saw lawmakers release a daylong barrage of explosive bombshells about federal plots and policies that," threaten our nation and don't pass the smell test."

Former state Sen. Sylvia Allen was unapologetic about her uncontrollable flatulence, which at one point blew over the state flag posted behind her. Gracefully swatting the turgid air behind her, Allen said it was their duty to be vigilant and "suspicious of those who pinch their noses or can’t handle the truth.”

After a break for freedom fries, sauerkraut and spanish peanuts, the Republicans returned to air more of their long-held views about the terrorists, Marxists and communists living and working among us here in Arizona.

Republican Senate President Andy Biggs didn't attend the hearing and declined to comment on whether America was at risk, but he said he had no problem with the overall direction of the meeting, noting “I was downwind.”

"The new world odor is no laughing matter," Biggs said, uncrossing his legs and leaning to one side to blast a stealth pile driver into the seat cushion. Tearing up, Biggs smiled and said,”We're proud of our accomplishments this session. No further questions.”

Copyright 2014 Arizona Daily Star. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@tucson.com.

Fitz tweets

Featured businesses

View more...

Deals, offers & events

View more...

Clean your hand woven rugs

3630 E Fort Lowell Rd Tucson, AZ 85716 520-319-8280 www.karimi…

Event Calendar

Today's events | Add an event

Most viewed: