Fitz Blog: This just in

2013-05-07T12:00:00Z 2015-02-03T11:34:44Z Fitz Blog: This just inDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star Arizona Daily Star

     More than 1 out of every 4 Tucsonans lives in Poverty which is due north of Dire Poverty and 3-streets over from Chronic Poverty. I call it the Tri-Cities because everyone is trying their best to stay afloat, which is easier said than done in this waterless desert.

          The saguaros used to look like they had open arms and we’re gesturing for people to come closer. Now they just look like they’re panhandling.

     The economy is crawling back. On the bright side knee pad salesman are making a killing.

      They don’t make them like our legislators anymore. Just to be on the safe side they should be castrated.

     Jury deliberations have begun in the trial of Jodi Arias, who is charged with wasting my time when I should be watching PBS.

     Thanks to her millions of us had to google the word ”lurid” only to be surprised to learn it is not the past tense of “lure”.

     If it were a tabloid trial wouldn’t bat boy confess he murdered Jody’s boyfriend?

     Jurors got the case Friday after hearing both sides of her story from CNN.

      Tucson is so poor we fight with packrats over nesting material. Are we Bangladesh with barrios or Calcutta with three Costcos and a cantina?

     Q. What do you say when you walk into the legislature and you see brilliant and courageous elected citizens working selflessly to bring your state into the 21st Century?

     A. I’m in the wrong state.

     Ever wonder what our legislators would have been like if they gotten enough oxygen at birth?

     It’s not all bad. Not everyone in this valley lives in a trailer. There’s a huge waiting list.

     Tucson is the 6th poorest city in the nation. Since the other 5 cities on the list moved here last winter we may move up the chart.

Q. How many Arizonans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None. We reject federally regulated light bulbs. Live in the dark or die!

Knock Knock

     Who’s there?


     U.N. who?

U. N. there? We is here to take a way yer guns.


     The blossoms are off the Palo Verde trees. The prickly pear are blooming. It’s time to find that shady rock where we can hibernate with the lizards until October.

Copyright 2015 Arizona Daily Star. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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