Fitz Blog: Your Monday Morning Fitz Quiz

2013-09-30T10:15:00Z 2013-09-30T10:50:03Z Fitz Blog: Your Monday Morning Fitz QuizDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star​ Arizona Daily Star

Dear Reader,

Here is your Monday morning quiz--your “Start of the Week Seven”. Are you informed? Are you in the know? Shouldn’t you be working? If you answer all 7 questions correctly--try again next Monday. Hopefully I'll crush your self-esteem then, smarty pants.

1. Now that Breaking Bad is ending millions of Americans will be______

a) calling Saul

b) supporting affordable healthcare for chemistry teachers

c) naming their baby boys Jesse Pinkman Bitch.

d) doing a Yelp search for Pollos Hermanos

e) wearing Heisenberg hats and running over drug dealers with their Azteks

f) avoiding people with room service bells on their wheelchairs

g) looking into Binge Watchers Anonymous-- while anxiously awaiting "Breaking Bad the Musical"

h) stuffing their road rage when any curiously aromatic RV swerves in front of them

i) Giving up on life and starting over with episode one

j) saying “I’m the one who knocks” next time the Jehovah’s Witness stops by

 

2. “Nightfall” at Old Tucson was originally called_____.

a) Nascar Zombies

b) The Good, the bad and the overpriced

c) Nightmare in the Props Department

d) Night of the Living Redneck

e) Legend of Sleepy Arroyo

f) Bone Ranger

d) Cow Trouble

e) Curse of the Unsynchronized Dialogue

f) Vampire Rodeo

 

3. Republicans are worried the Affordable Care Act will______

a) devastate the nation the way medicare and social security did

b) classify FOX News viewers as eligible for mental health treatment

c) save thousands from bankruptcy and death

d) bring free market competition to the health care industry

e) actually work

f) take all the fun out of the phrase “Death Panels”

g) result in a surplus of Kenyan witch doctors

h) allow a government bureaucrat will come between you and your prostate

 

4. More than half of all Americans _______

a) worry about paying their bills

b) fear losing their jobs

c) fear the other half of all Americans are armed and the safety is not “on”

d) believe their children will not have better lives than they did

e) believe their children will have better lives than they did and when they call home it will be from Shanghai

f) believe they are "roughly" 50% of the population

 

5. Councilman Steve Kozachik be running unopposed because ______.

a) his critics were momentarily distracted by Duck Dynasty cliffhangers

b) Frank Antenori’s political machine fell out of wheelbarrow

c) Steve’s opponents were baffled by a quandry: file to run or attend Little Miss Muffet Tea Party

d) obdedient fans of Jon Justice are distressed by his impending marriage to Garret Morris

e) nerds rule

 

6. Beginning Tuesday a million uninsured Arizonans will be able to ____

a) shop for health insurance plans, apply for coverage help, and sign up for Obamacare

b) rear end me in traffic and run for the border

c) jump off “A” Mountain in flying squirrel costumes

d) use “found” traffic cones to pay their medical bills

e) complain about something other than Rio Nuevo

 

7. With a fresh start in mind Republicans are pushing ________

a) a government shutdown

b) 98% pure blue meth

c) for the President and the UN to intervene in their internal civil war before Ted Cruz releases more poisonous gas

d) the self destruct button-- again! Holy Potato Chips! evacuate the country!

e) for an exemption on banning firearms at Republican caucus meetings because natural selection is a beautiful thing

f) Ted Cruz into the cage with Rand Paul and Chris Christie and three baseball bats

g) the repeal of social security, medicare, rainy days and Mondays

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About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@tucson.com.

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