Dear Reader,

Here is your Monday morning quiz--your “Start of the Week Seven”. Are you informed? Are you in the know? Shouldn’t you be working? If you answer all 7 questions correctly--try again next Monday. Hopefully I'll crush your self-esteem then, smarty pants.


1. When the heroic U.S. Navy Seals raided al-Shabab in Somalia they reportedly announced their presence by saying  __________

a) ”I’m the one who knocks”

b)”Pima County Sheriff’s Department”

c)“Girl Scout Cookies!”

d)“Paul Blart: Mall Cop!”


2. Tucson’s new trampoline parks have caused hundreds of Tucsonans to ___________.

a) experienced more close calls than Sandra Bullock in “Gravity”

b) call personal injury lawyers

c) wear neck braces like bolo ties.

d) kiss ceiling tiles


3. This year the monsoons in Tucson _____________.

a) were drier than Oscar Wilde’s wit

b) fell everywhere but Tucson

c) made my rain gauge cry

d) pulled a “Chuck George”


4. Which statement was actually made by Tea Bagger in Congress?

a) We're not going to be disrespected, we have to get something out of this. And I don't know what that even is.

b) Ted Cruz is so hot he makes my teapot whistle.

c) I hate Obama more than I love my country.

d) We told you there'd be a Death Panel


Correct answer: a) "We're not going to be disrespected, we have to get something out of this. And I don't know what that even is."


5. Liberals upset with Representatives Ron Barber and Krysten Sinema for voting with House Republicans on partial funding can ___________

a) throw a “Boehner”

b) support the Republican Martha McSally in 2014

c) run for office and see if they can win in a conservative district

d) eat it


6. UA President Ann Weaver Hart is moving the President’s offices into Old Main_________

a) right next to Wilbur the Wildcat’s litter box

b) to be accessible and because nothing relieves stress like a dip in the fountain

c) to be near the annual Homecoming Bonfire in order to save a fortune on document shredding.

d) because the 7th floor of the Administration Building is haunted by the  walking dead: University Vice-Presidents

7. As Iraq continues to bleed the majority of we Americans ____________.

a) walked away like a drunk walking away from a dead spouse we beat to death in the kitchen.

b) are struggling to remember Britney Spears

c) feel a deep terrible shame over the loss of Breaking Bad

d) can’t seem to recall where we left the keys to our hummer

e) still wrongly identify Saddam Hussein as a Mario character

f) are glad we found those WMDs


9. This year’s best Halloween House of Horrors is called______________

a) Slowly I make a Michigan turn

b) Streetcarnage

c) Kino Stadium Ghost Town

d) Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Attic


10. The shut down will end______

a) when the FBI hostage negotiator shows up

b) when they pry Speakers Boehner’s gavel from Ted Cruz’s dead cold fingers

c) when Harry Reid starts chanting,”Attica! Attica!”

d) when the White House softens its stand on negotiating with terrorists