Here at Fitzsimmons & No Associates Research we pride ourselves on accuracy, timeliness, our handsome white lab coats and our state-of-the-art clipboards. In the last 24-hours we polled 2,567 Americans on the matter of the government shutdown and here is what they said:
39% of Americans blame Republicans for the government shutdown
8% of Americans blame Republicans for rainy days and boils.
100% of FOX viewers blame "The Kenyan Marxist"
100% of MSNBC viewers blame FOX viewers
4% blame Insane Clown Posse
4% think Insane Clown Posse is the name of the Tea Party caucus
15% of Tea Party members blame illegal immigrants
53% blame "The 47%"
17% of Tucsonans blame the road construction crew working on Ina Road for accidentally cutting the government's cable
11% believe the Statue of Liberty at the New York New York Casino in Las Vegas should remain open
11% are sorry they won't get to see Yosemite and meet Yogi Bear.
7% believe the government should remained closed long enough for them to complete their bunker and buy more guns
6% believe the government should remain open on Sundays and Holidays from 9 A.M. until 11:00 P.M.
3% of Americans blame al-Shabob for the shut down
and 2% blame Shish Kabob
This poll has a plus or minus error margin of 99.9%