Middle East peace is at hand. As he exited the Syrian peace talks in Geneva, Secretary Kerry announced he had successfully piloted a Hot Tub Time Machine back to 19th century where he halted the drawing of arbitrary borders in the region by European colonial powers. "None of the borders respected the religious and ethnic differences in the region which contributed greatly to the present discord. All I did was show them a 24-hour news cycle from the region and they dropped their monocles, called for tea and went back to playing croquet."

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