Fitz: Ukraine

2014-03-01T09:30:00Z 2014-03-01T20:29:04Z Fitz: UkraineDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star​ Arizona Daily Star

What can the U.S. do about a nuclear armed Russia invading Ukraine? Plenty. Here are a number of steps members of the world community have taken already.

  1. In Manhattan the Russian Tea Room has been ordered closed until brunch.
  2. In Arizona a number of lawmakers have called for a nationwide boycott of Russian Roulette.
  3. In Hollywood hundreds of celebrity patriots turned out today to burn their DVD copies of  “Moscow on the Hudson” and denounce the comedy of Yakov Smirnoff.
  4. Members of the European Alliance have begun to refer to digestive distress as “ a bad case of the Putins.”    
  5. At the White House earlier announced that First Lady Michelle Obama ripped all of the Russian cabbage out of her garden and ordered it ground into mulch.
  6. Paris Hilton has called for a boycott of Russian caviar.
  7. Up on Capitol Hill Speaker of the House John Boehnor held a press conference to announce he was swearing off  vodka martinis until the Russians withdraw. If the situation worsens he says he may consider giving up White Russians on Friday afternoons.
  8. The French have launched a boycott of Russian nesting dolls.
  9. Justin Bieber peed on a Tchaicovksy record in a vinyl record store in Santa Monica and was arrested.
  10. Miley Cyrus said she would never record anything by Shostakovich as long as she lives.    

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David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

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