Any day now Toronto Mayor Rob Ford will be getting __________.

 a) a limo ride to Miraval

 b) meth from "Heisenberg"

c) A reality show with Gary Bussey

d) A Canadian makeover: A plaid shirt and a splash of Old Spice.

e) A tranquilizer dart in the butt followed by a flash mob intervention, lap band surgery and a lobotomy.

f) Toronto’s Man of the Year Award

g) fan mail from Charlie Sheen

h) a sweet job offer to be Miley Cyrus’ new life coach