Women finding little happiness in the male pattern

2013-06-12T00:00:00Z Women finding little happiness in the male patternKathleen Parker Washington Post Writers Group Arizona Daily Star

It was never quite clear what feminizing the workplace would mean when women en masse invaded corporate America a generation ago.

Most of us donned our bow ties and sensible shoes and tried to blend in. The workplace didn't become more feminine; women became more masculine.

Then along came "Sex and the City." The new working girl was glam, femmed-out to the max in sheer tops, short skirts and stilettos. She was brash, tough (neurotic), and above all sexy. Where the previous generation of women had tried to camouflage their sexuality, the new generation flaunted every inch.

Much, and little, has changed.

Women are exceeding their male counterparts in education. One in four earns more than her husband. The office may not have a fern bar, but there's likely to be a private space for breast pumping.

To the point: Women are reaching equality as never before. Certainly many struggle to keep food on the table. But in the salons where luckier women discuss what women really want, they are reaching the traditional benchmarks of happiness - money and power - and guess what: They're still not happy.

Before you roll your eyes, listen up. Women aren't happy precisely because they tried to fit themselves neatly into the male template of what constitutes happiness. And, voilà - please do sound the gongs - men and women are different.

Of course women want wealth and power, but not at the expense of what matters most - equilibrium, inner peace, wisdom, heart and a family that isn't in constant chaos. These intangibles are largely ignored, alas, because the male-created workplace views them as froufrou "women's" concerns.

What's love got to do with the bottom line? Everything, really. Research, which we prefer to common sense, supports that happy, well-adjusted people make more productive and efficient workers. Men also, by the way, because it turns out, men are human, too.

Women, who now constitute a critical mass in the workplace, have learned through exhaustion, divorce and disappointed children that trying to fit their lives into the male mold of success is like trying to squeeze into Cinderella's shoe.

Two women who know something about power, money, success and shoes (there's no point trying to talk about women as though shoes don't matter) recognized this soul-void in women's lives and did what women do. The indefatigable Arianna Huffington and Mika Brzezinski convened a conference - "The Third Metric" - to address that missing thing in our lives.

Huffington described it as that inner place of heart, soul and wisdom where few of us spend much time. We're too busy. Creating space for quietude requires strategic planning. This isn't space for moon-gazing, but for the fallow time that engenders calm, which often precedes the storm of innovation and creativity.

Where do your best ideas come from? The chorus was instantaneous: "The shower." Away from it all.

Between panel discussions, we practiced being quiet. We breathed (you had to be there). We closed our eyes. We gonged the gong. We opened our arms and said "wow." We ate healthy food, drank juice served by delicious men (not kidding) and listened to a parade of accomplished women (and a smattering of men) talk about health, wellness and "tweaking" our lives.

There will be dissenters. Urging people to be go-givers instead of go-getters, easier to do when you are already a millionaire, may not appeal to the board of directors. And I confess, when John Mackey, co-founder of Whole Foods, spoke of promoting people who are emotionally evolved over the merely ambitious, I didn't know whether to assume a lotus or a fetal position.

But all things considered, a culture in which meaning is recognized as a goal equal to profit cannot make a worse world. Besides, when Mama is happy, everybody is happy.

Kathleen Parker's email address is kathleenparker@washpost.com

Copyright 2014 Arizona Daily Star. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Activate

Latest Fitz Report video

More

Fitz studio: How to draw the President

In this video tutorial, Star cartoonist and columnist David Fitzsimmons teaches you how to draw the Preside…

Latest Newsmakers video

More

Sarah interviews Dr. Peter Rhee, part 2 of 3

Dr. Peter Rhee discusses mental health and other issues surrounding gun violence.

Featured businesses

View more...

Deals, offers & events

View more...

Beautifully cleaned windows.... Pass it on!

Call Crystal Clean today!  520-325-7829