Does your tree look like mine when you get done with it? Or, even worse, after you’ve paid someone else to trim it for you?

It’s a sad story: My boyfriend hired a “landscaper” to prune a few trees last month. The butcher, er landscaper, broke just about every rule in any respectable tree-pruning handbook:

• Our lovely peach tree is now lopsided.

• The cuts were made at the wrong angle (straight and not at 45 degrees).

• He made stubs out of the branches he cut.

• He cut into the collars of the mesquite tree.

• And most puzzling: Look at the photo above of the broken branch — why didn’t he trim that one? That's step 1 in any pruning activity: remove broken or damaged branches.

I posted these same photos on Facebook’s Tucson Backyard Gardening group and asked for feedback. Boy, did I get an earful, but the hilarious comments cheered me up:

“Did he gnaw it off with his teeth?”

“Unusual looking — was he drinking?”

“Good thing he doesn't do circumcisions.”

 "Landscapers" — trimming agaves into pineapple shapes and stub-cutting fruit trees all across Tucson.”

“And making Texas rangers look like coiffed poodles ...”

“Not a landscaper for sure; (you) must have the one I fired!”

“He clearly did a terrible job, but not all of us landscapers are clueless morons.”

“BF would be in the doghouse for picking the landscaper.”

So this weekend, learn how to do it right yourself at a tree pruning class offered at Magic Garden Nursery. And save yourself some heartache.

Contact me at onesnowpea@azstarnet.com or call 573-4163.