Rena Caudle has become something of a public figure in three states — her home state, California, as well as Arizona and Washington — thanks to the charges in Pima County against Shawna Forde , her daughter by birth.
I say “by birth” because Caudle gave up Forde for adoption at about 18 months. This has brought her under some criticism by Internet commentators, who have questioned why she is, in effect, criticizing a daughter whose problems she may have helped cause.
I got a more detailed email from Rena Caudle today that explains more about Forde’s upbringing. I’ve changed a couple of names into John and Jane Doe because allegations against them are included. Otherwise, here’s the text:
When I first told her dad that I was pg he set it up for me to go to Canada and have an abortion. I never believed in them. So I refused. When she was born he was at the hospital. But I was never allowed to have her in his home. I was coming out of a very bad marriage ( I was just divorced at the time) and I had had a breakdown because of having an abusive husband. Not only was he abusive to me but he committed parental kidnapping.
Anyway, when Shawna was a little over a year old I adopted her over to my brother. I had so much pressure put on me by Shane, her dad, and by my family, who hated Shane, that I thought I was doing a good thing in adopting her out. I wanted her to have something better than I could give her. I had no idea she was even abused until many years later. I went through a lawyer and gave up my rights to her and then stayed away from him and my sister-in-law so she could adjust to being in a new home.
Unbeknown to me they adopted her over to a couple by the name of John and Jane Doe. Jane abused Shawna something terrible. Her husband divorced her when he found out and he said she went to jail. I don’t know but that was what he told us. How she ended up with another one of my brothers is still a mystery to me. But after Ken and I had been married about 6 mnths. we stopped to visit my brother and he told us he had her. So that is when she came back into my care.
I was pg at the time with my youngest daughter. When she was three months old I caught Shawna holding a pillow over her sisters face and the baby was struggling. It unnerved me completely. I knew Shawna had problems and I tried desperately to get help. But back then there was no help like there is now. People would look at her and say things like, “But she’s so cute” and they would not accept that she had serious problems. I took some counseling then and the person said maybe I should find a nice family and adopt her over to them so she could be in a single child family, that maybe she needed one on one parenting.
So I found the Breightams. They seemed like nice people to me and everyone who knew them spoke highly of them. Shawna didn’t know me that well any way. So she was adopted over to them. I drove her to her new home and stayed for a while and then left. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was also very traumatic. About five years later John (Doe) came to us and told us about the things his wife did. That is how it all came about with Shawna.
I also found out that I had no rights to her because I had relinquished them when I let her go to my brother. I didn’t see her again until she had just lost her first baby and had come down from Alaska with her husband Jack Darling. They stayed with us for a short time. I was very happy to see her. It started out fine but began to get rocky. She told me she was not there to find me but to find her dad so I told her where he was and let her go on her way. But we saw each other a lot and she somewhat stayed in my life and then became really serious about our friendship back in the nineties.
After that I thought we had drawn close but I have learned lately it was all a sham on her part. She thinks I hate her, I don’t, but I can not agree with what she has done and because of the things I have found out I know I am number one on her list and am in danger of her. I feel so tremendously sad and angry all at the same time because it didn’t have to go this way. But she made a cognitive choice to do what she did. She knows the difference between right and wrong. I never wanted Shawna growing up knowing she might have killed her sister. How do you tell one of your children that they killed the other one? What do you think that does to that child? So I never said much to others and followed the advice I was given and gave her up hoping she would have a wonderful life.
