Fitz mug 3

It’s National Complain About Tucson Day. You're a Tucsonan! Go online and demand a week.


Hillary won the debate, Sanders won Denmark and Biden won a lovely retirement.


After my wife and I have an argument I always apologize and insist we kiss and make up. That’s the art of post-debate spin.


Headline: Advisers advise Hillary to resist calling opponents, "Small-minded speed bumps on my path to glory."


My wife could work for CNN as a fact-checker. Every husband who has ever made an offhand remark such as "Sure, I washed my hands!" or "No, I didn't forget you had a hair appointment" knows what I'm talking about.


Headline: "Love Story" stars Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal reunite after 45-years, love means never having to say "Holy Botox! What happened to you?"


Overhead in a meeting room this week: "Welcome to M.R.A., Moderate Republicans Anonymous. Hi. I’m a Republican. I am powerless to control the Tea Party lunatics. I’d like a Scotch. Make it a double."


The Republican House should skip electing a House Speaker. They should just hire a demolition contractor to implode Congress, reduce the government to rubble and go back home. Mission accomplished.


Headline: Excited by "politically incorrect" remarks Republican base turning to Tourette's syndrome sufferers to lead Party.


It’s Fashion Week in Tucson. You know what that means. Get out your finest T-shirts, shorts and sandals and spit shine your shades.


Headline: Ill-informed citizens opposed to Pima County Bond Package prefer Sean Connery to new Bond, Daniel Craig


We won’t be leaving Afghanistan anytime soon. No matter. We’ve been fighting fundamentalist crazies in Alabama, Georgia and or Mississippi since 1865.


Headline: Area man who makes dinner, loads, unloads dishwasher, named "Sexiest Man Alive in 2015" by area woman.


Putin is sticking his nose in Syria. He's bogged down in Ukraine. I used to think he was smart man. Not anymore. I think Pamela Anderson could beat him at Risk.


Bombshell headline: Trump’s hair made in China, woven from Tamale corn husks imported from Mexico