Forget all those boring public hearings; I’ve just finalized the plans for the proposed Interstate 11.
Avra Valley can relax; you have been spared the bulldozer and every Saguaro in the west park gets another 100-year lease on life.
The center median of the route goes directly through the offices of Mayor Jonathan Rothschild and Pima County Administrator Chuck Huckelberry. Brilliant, don’t you think?
No more worries about downtown gentrification; city center is now one big freeway cloverleaf. Hasta la vista Rio Nuevo. The project will pay for itself because our elected officials will have trouble writing checks from their tent city in the Santa Cruz wash that will of course lack utilities during the 20-year construction period. And once a year when the river flows, we can vote in a new group of bureaucrats.
Okay, it’s a crazy idea. But we can dream.
Disclaimer: As submitted to the Arizona Daily Star.