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David Fitzsimmons, Tucson’s most beloved ink-stained wretch.

Once upon a time, there was an adorable little bunny named Doug who loved to perform magic tricks for all the other little bunnies. Doug’s mama, Honey Bunny, called him “Doozy” because every bunny thought his magic tricks were “doozies!” Honey Bunny would often say, “Doozy would rather practice magic tricks than do his math homework!”

One day little Doozy was performing his magic show under the big cottonwood tree for a crowd of bunnies. Much to everyone’s delight, the Easter Bunny hopped by just in time to see little Doozy make a coin magically appear!

And then disappear!

The Easter Bunny introduced himself. ”You are a fine magician, little bunny!” Little Doozy wiggled his pink nose. “Aw, shucks. Thanks! They’re all pretty easy tricks.”

The Easter Bunny smiled. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Governor. And I’m going to pay for educating every little bunny in the land without ever raising a single tax. Because I’m really good at magic tricks!”

The Easter Bunny laughed and laughed and laughed until he noticed little Doozy wasn’t laughing. They shook paws and the Easter Bunny hopped away, shaking his furry white head and saying to himself, “My! What a strange little bunny-wunny!”

The years passed, and Doozy grew up to become Arizona’s first cotton-tailed governor, running with the slogan, “I’m all ears!”

On his very first day as governor, Doozy showed all the bunnies in all the land his magic egg basket. It was empty! Doozy pointed to his empty basket and said, “This is going to pay for all our schools and teachers — and we are going to have the best schools in the land!”

All the bunnies cheered.

Doozy held the empty basket up high. “This is a magic egg basket. The best way to grow eggs is to take away all of the eggs that were in the basket, say the magic words ‘Trickle Giggle Down,’ and just wait for Supply Side Egg-onomics to kick in! Thousands of eggs will magically appear!”

With a mighty flourish, he waved his wand, tapped the basket and waited. And waited. Nothing happened. He waited and waited and waited, and still nothing happened. All the bunnies stared at the empty basket and then at their ticking pocket watches. Gov. Doozy nervously tugged at his long ears. The bunnies tapped their feet. Doozy hopped up on a stump and announced, “I can make money magically appear in lots of magical places to pay for education! Watch this!”

Doozy reached into his sleeve and pulled out a shiny new coin. “I call this my ‘Tax Increase that Isn’t a Tax Increase’ trick!” He waved his paw over the coin.

It vanished faster than a box of Peeps on Easter morning! All the bunnies cheered and applauded. Doozy saw that his magic basket was still empty. Sweat beaded on his floppy ears.

“Ahem! With this trick I will appear to be raising a tax by simply extending an old tax!” He reached into his other sleeve, pulled out a long golden scarf and waved it in the air until it magically vanished into thin air. Most of the bunnies were looking at the basket, which was still empty.

Doozy clapped his paws together. “I call this trick the Amazing Teachers’ Pay Raise!” He held up a big, fat, juicy carrot, wiggled his whiskers and said, “Ala Ka Doozy!” In a puff of smoke, the carrot was gone, replaced with a tiny raisin. By now all the bunnies had noticed the basket was very, very, very empty. With no eggs in the basket, how would they pay for schools for their bunny wunnies? They all began to thump their feet.

Doozy wiped the sweat from his paws and shouted, “Wait one Easter Egg minute!”

He brushed back his long ears, straightened his bow tie, pulled out his cellphone, tapped on a YouTube video and said, “If you won’t believe in magic — watch this!”

The bunnies looked at one another. Up came a video that must have cost a million eggs to make! The video told all the bunnies how much Doozy loved education and schools and teachers and all the little bunny-wunnies.

No bunny watched the video. They were all staring at the very, very, very empty basket.

Just then, who should hop by but the Easter Bunny himself! He burst out laughing when he saw poor Doozy and the empty Giggle Trickle Down basket. “That old trick! Mr. Doozy! Who do you think we are? Dumb bunnies? When it comes to education, you should leave magic to Santa, the Tooth Fairy and yours truly, the Easter Bunny.”

And then he laughed, shook his head and bounded away.

Contact editorial cartoonist and columnist David Fitzsimmons at