I recently wrote about the economy and was chastised for not saying a word about allowances.
What does an allowance do?
• Teaches your child what money is, what it does and that you can't spend money you don't have.
• Helps your child develop decision-making capabilities and skills. Many of the decisions we make involve money, so an allowance provides practice for adulthood when parents are no longer around.
• Helps teach children positive values: saving for the future, donating to those less fortunate, grappling with consumerism, resisting TV commercials.
Because babies and children watch us when we shop, they learn at an early age that money (or plastic) is exchanged for goods. A toddler may ask for money to buy something or argue that you do have money in your wallet if you say no to a request.
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Most parents start allowances when the child enters first grade. I am old-fashioned and believe the child should be taught that a portion of the allowance must be saved. Parents have to teach the child how to save (piggy bank, savings account). Even in elementary school the child may have expenses so the allowance should cover these. The allowance should include a small sum that the adult world calls discretionary. The child can theoretically spend discretionary money the way he or she wants to.
But obviously parents need to keep control over how a young child spends discretionary money. The rule is the child checks with you before making a purchase. When you realize the child has acceptable levels of judgment, remove this restriction and give the child the freedom to make his or her own decisions, including bad decisions from which the child can learn.
As the child's expenses go up - the need to purchase school supplies or sports paraphernalia - the allowance is increased. This means you decide in advance at a family meeting what the child is expected to purchase with the allowance.
There are two schools of thought about why the allowance is given. One group of experts says that the allowance is payment for chores and suggest you fine the child if chores are not done. I am in the other group that tells parents not to tie chores to allowances.
I feel strongly that we give our children allowances because they live in a complex world where they must learn about money and how to use it wisely. To my way of thinking an allowance is a child's right. The child needs a certain amount of money to exist in his or her world. Until the child is old enough to work, this money is provided by the parents, just as food and shelter are provided.
Chores are something we all have to do. Chores are done in exchange for the privilege of living in the family home. Parents should start children doing chores almost from babyhood, whereas allowances make no sense until much later.
So, allowances are a right; chores are a responsibility.
Dr. Heins is a pediatrician, parent, grandparent and the founder of ParentKidsRight.com. She welcomes your individual parenting questions. Email info@ParentKidsRight.com for a professional, personal and private answer to your questions.