Tales from the Morgue: Telephone operators handled it all

And Who Are You Supposed To Call When You Really Need Information?

There once was a lady, according to lore, who called on a telephone operator for help in shortening what she thought was an extra-long cord on her telephone.

"I'll hold my end of the line," she told the operator, "and you pull hard on yours. That should take up some of the slack."

The lady is a legend who comes alive whenever the subject turns to funny things that happen at the telephone switchboard. Such as this exchange reported verbatim, between an operator and a customer calling for information:

CALLER: Can you help me? I'm trying to call my doctor, and I'm having trouble.

OPERATOR: What kind of trouble are you having?

CALLER: I have a pain in my side and it's going up my back.

Or this one:

CALLER: Can you get me Dr. Jones?

OPERATOR: Is that the optometrist Jones?

CALLER: I don't know his first name, but he's an eye doctor.

Operators, as do others who deal daily with the public, find that everybody has a slightly different approach to the meaning of things. This is one of the reasons you may no longer hear the operator say "Information," when she answers your call. The phrase "Directory Assistance" is being introduced around the Bell System as a replacement. It is a more accurate description of the service the operator provides and it should cut down the number of calls the girls get from people who want bus departure information or stock market quotations, ball scores, highway directions and other non-telephone tidbits.

Not that the operators mind being helpful; this is part of their tradition. Last Thanksgiving Day, a New York City operator was asked by a group of bachelors how to cook a turkey they had won. She found out how much it weighed, figured out how long it should be in the oven and called back with precise cooking instructions.

The telephone operator over the years has saved lives, helped people in trouble, located stray cats and answered a hundred puzzlers from an unpredictable public. One Sunday morning recently, a child dialed the operator and asked to speak to God. The response, quick and convincing: "He's busy at Church."

Misunderstanding, mispronunciation or mistaken notion can turn communication into a comedy. A long distance operator was asked by a caller to send up some hot towels. When she explained she was not the hotel switchboard operator, the reply was, "Send up the towels anyway, I need them."

Another operator asked the customer what number he wanted and was told, crisply, "I can't tell you, it's unlisted."

A caller, requesting an operator to verify a busy signal he was getting, suggested she "shake the line a little."

Another caller, asked if the number she wanted was The Juvenile Term or the Support and Conciliation Court, replied, "Yes, that's just what I want ─ support and consideration."

A pesky youngster kept playing with the phone in his home after the operator had asked him not to. He reached her still another time. "Are you playing with the telephone again: she asked. "No," he said, "this ain't me."

Of all the callers, none is as likely to join the legendary lady with the long telephone cord as the man in the telephone booth who was asked to deposit 50 cents for overtime charges. The operator made the request, but got no answer. She could hear banging, shuffling and heavy breathing at the other end of the line. Then suddenly, the customer came back on: "All right, all right, operator," he shouted, "I'll pay the overtime. Only Please unlock this door."