The following is the opinion and analysis of the writer:
I’ve always wondered how one becomes a docent at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum. It appears to be a joyful gig, right? Except maybe in July.
Thanks to my pal, retired research scientist and veteran AZSDM docent, Tom Christensen, I wheedled my way into an introductory class for docents on a fall Saturday morning at the museum.
“Take your seats, please. Welcome to the new docent class! I am Alec your docent coordinator. We’ll be here from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. today… learning policies, museum orientation, customer service and interpretation.”
I sat next to a retired schoolteacher smitten by our Sonoran paradise who said being a docent is a great way to meet people who love Tucson. A newcomer next to me joked, “I just wanted to get out of Minnesota.” Me? I’m just hoping to be carried off in a Harris hawk’s talons during the Free Flight show.
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In the classes that will follow, in the months ahead, they will study deserts, water, herpetology, ichthyology, ethnobotany, interpretation, first-aid, geology, ecology and, in short, everything under the sun from Gila Monsters to monsoons. Upon passing their exams, they will receive their very own highly prized docent vest.
The docent patches, pins and bling are cool swag, but the real symbols of docent prestige are the walkie talkies and the prized Segway, which I guess is reserved like a chariot for the King, or Queen, of the Docents.
Some in the class long to host a bird walk. Others dream of leading a desert discovery tour. My dream? To learn to ride a giant tarantula, one of the giant irradiated mutant tarantulas that are the size of amusement park rides.
I’ll never get that prized docent vest now.
On a walking tour of the grounds later in the day, we ended up in the canyon woodlands area, where I learned the black bear’s name is “Strawberry,” named for the rim country village where she was rescued when she was a cub and that the mule deer, in the habitat across the path, are orphaned sisters and that the mountain lion snoozing in the sun came to AZSDM as a cub from San Jose when it weighed only 15 pounds and did you know javelina are more closely related to whales than pigs or that a hummingbird once lived for 15 years? I may never get that prized docent vest. But at the next party I will be armed with amazing facts to share.
Back in class Alec reminded us that our mission is “to inspire people to live in harmony with the natural world by fostering love, appreciation and understanding of the desert.”
And you thought all a docent had to do was carry tweezers and point out the location of the restrooms.
Alec takes us through more major bullet points. “No laser pointers allowed. No pets. Weapons are prohibited. Safety is everything. No mammals are allowed to roam free on the museum grounds.” A student heckles Alec. “We’re mammals roaming free.”
“Human mammals excluded. If they bought a ticket.”
This leads to a conversation about what constitutes a mammal and are hawks capable of carrying me off in their talons?
“No, they are not.”
During breaks my classmates engage in endearing small talk. ”Around 800 species of native bees live here. Highest density on earth except for Israel.”
“Our bees are dense? They seem pretty bright to me.”
Another group is discussing Jojoba plants. “They can be male or female.”
“Is that covered in week 17 or 21?”
The retired schoolteacher next to me asked me if I knew why Tarantulas have eight eyes.
“Okay, said the Black Widow Spider, I’ll bite. Tell me why.”
These delightful, curious, smart, engaging evangelists for conservation will make spectacular Arizona Sonora Desert Museum docents. Their love for this precious desert Eden is contagious.
Alec once worked for conventional zoos. Today he is on the side of the angels, and right now, at the end of this joyful day Alec is reminding his students to do their homework. “Next week we are diving into our curriculum with deserts and water. Do your reading.”
Not me. I’m going to be looking into what volunteering at Tu Nidito looks like next. As far as the AZSDM docent thing I sneaked a peek at the final.
Q. What do docents say to guests when they leave? (Pick one)
A. “Put the Gila Monster back, sir.”
B. “No, your child cannot stay overnight in the Packrat Playhouse.”
C. “Thanks for visiting the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum. Have a wonderful day.”
I’d go with “C.” How could you not have a wonderful day visiting the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum?
Fitz shows you how he draws his favorite character which appears in the Last Laugh featured on the page inside the cover of every Caliente.
David Fitzsimmons
David Fitzsimmons recently retired after a long career with the Star. He now writes freelance columns. You can reach him at fitztooner@outlook.com.