They're sweet. They seem innocent. And they're stealing your money.
That's not only referring to the characters in "Mad Money," Federal Reserve workers who hatch a plan to steal worn-out cash that's about to be destroyed. But also the producers, who pull one over on the audience by making a half-hearted comedy with laugh value that drops like the dollar against the euro.
Despite an impressive cast, "Mad Money" just makes you mad. The canned one-liners are as entertaining as a bank line. The one thing keeping the movie watchable is the sheer personality of the leads, who meld well together as an unlikely team of bubbly thieves.
The ringleader is Bridget (Diane Keaton), an uppity socialite who — horrors! — finds she must sell her giant house when her husband, Don (Ted Danson), is downsized. Determined to avoid the disgrace, she lands a job as a janitor at the Fed and begs a spunky single-mother colleague, Nina (Queen Latifah) to help her in her theft scheme. Joining the pair is Jackie (Katie Holmes), who's always listening to music and constantly jiggling like she's got Thetans in her pants.
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The dancing allows Jackie to swipe money from one of Nina's bins and stash it into a garbage can, which Bridget empties, then divvies up the score in the bathroom. The building's supposedly airtight security leaves much to be desired. Guards check only the bags of employees as they leave, allowing the ladies to stuff their clothes with bills.
Come on. This is supposed to be the heist of the century, right? How about a little creativity, like maybe wadding up and flushing the bills down the toilet, to be picked up later in the sewer? The movie makes robbing the Fed look about as tough as finding an episode of "Full House" on TV.
Uproarious comedy could make up for the shortcomings of the ludicrous story, but director Callie Khouri ("Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood") can't find a comic rhythm. You root for the ladies' comeuppance more than you do for them to get away with their crime because they fester with such greed and show so little remorse.
It's easiest to identify with the Danson character, who appears both constantly flabbergasted by the audacity of his wife and friends, while also annoyed, as if yearning, like you, to know when all this nonsense will be over.
Review
Mad Money
**
• Rated: PG-13 for sexual material and language, and brief drug references.
• Cast: Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes, Ted Danson.
• Director: Callie Khouri.
• Family call: Fine for teens.
• Running time: 104 minutes.
