DEAR ABBY: The way my mother dresses has me so embarrassed that I don't want to be seen in public with her. Her hair looks as if she had stuck her finger in a light socket; her clothes are three sizes too big; she wears no makeup. It looks as if she just rolled out of bed, no matter where she's going.
Mom held a dinner party for my birthday, and even my boyfriend did a double take when he walked in and saw her wearing a giant T-shirt that came to her midthigh. Abby, she wasn't even wearing a bra! When I mentioned it to her the next day, she just laughed it off.
I take pride in my appearance. I realize that not everyone is as concerned as I am about his or her appearance, but shouldn't she respect others enough to at least look decent? Am I being conceited, or should she be given a makeover? — MORTIFIED IN EUGENE
DEAR MORTIFIED: Has your mother always been unkempt and careless about her appearance, or is this something new? If it's something new, then she does not need a makeover; she needs a checkup from her doctor. If she always has presented herself this way, then I doubt that she is open to change. Makeovers can work wonders, but they are successful only if the person is willing to acknowledge that one is needed.
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DEAR ABBY: My grandmother died while I was out of the country on a two-week vacation. My dad left when I was in second grade, and she raised me along with my mother. We were very close. I always took care of her and made time to spend with her.
Although she had been in poor health for two years, Grandma was not in critical condition when I left. She passed away three days before I was to return, and my family held her funeral the day before I arrived.
I had expressed my wishes that they wait if at all possible. They did not, and I feel betrayed. We have always been close, and now I am so hurt and angry that I don't even want to see them. Can you offer any advice? — CRUSHED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR CRUSHED: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. It's regrettable that the funeral could not have been postponed, but there may have been extenuating circumstances.
Your feelings of anger are a part of your grieving process, and it's important that you work them through. It would be helpful for you to discuss this with your clergy member so he or she can guide you to a grief-support group. Please don't wait. The sooner you resolve this, the better it will be for you and your family.
