Dr. Barton Goldsmith: Asking the tough questions

Unfortunately, if we don’t give ourselves the chance to process our emotions, it can lead to feeling sad or wanting to avoid the feelings all together, and in some cases, it can lead to drinking or using drugs. Hey, I’m all for avoiding pain, but in the long run, when you are looking at your life’s journey, it’s easier to go through it than around it.

When you are compelled to ask yourself if you are green and growing or ripe and rotting, this a good sign that it’s time to move your life forward. And even if you think you’re satisfied with where you are now (or feel that you don’t deserve anything better), taking stock of your life and asking yourself the tough questions will help you get to the next level. Trust me, things will change anyway, so you might as well think ahead.

This also is an exercise that you may want to do in your primary relationship. Comparing where you were with where you are now will help lead you to where you want to go. Seems simple enough, but most couples only do it in passing instead of sitting down and having a positive conversation about life, love and their own pursuit of happiness. We rarely give ourselves the opportunity to take a serious look at our lives, and that process can only make things better, because you will always find things to improve.

Learning to ask the tough questions is also something you need to do when you are dating or newly engaged. The only way to learn about another person is through observation and communication.

For example, asking your intended how they really feel about your 17 dogs is important. We put up with a lot when we first fall in love, and then we start to get a little more proactive about our own needs.

In case you don’t have any questions handy, here are a few to get started:

• Are you happy with your life right now?
• If not, what can you do to make it better?
• Do you have any regrets?
• If so, what are they?
• Are you the person you wanted to be?
• If not, what can you do to get there?

Whatever your answers are, remember that you are in charge, and self-knowledge is empowering. Even if you blame someone else for your troubles, you’re the only one who can change things for the better. That may be hard to swallow, but the longer you waste your time thinking another person is stopping you, the longer it will take to move on. And the very sad thing is that some people never do.