Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Raising a family can be an emotional roller coaster. It can be a tough job physically, mentally and financially. So if you aren’t internally prepared with a ton of desire, being a parent may not be your thing, and that’s just fine.
I personally love family and enjoy having all kinds of people around, from grandparents to tiny tots. I just like the energy and all the love that comes with having those I care for — whether related to me or not — close by. But not everyone feels this way.
If you’re in a serious relationship and thinking about tying the knot, you and your partner should discuss how you both feel about children and family. Unfortunately, most couples forget to talk about children and family life before their wedding day, which sometimes can lead to upsetting discoveries down the road.
Many people who are great at being parents when the kids are young may find the teenage years to be far more challenging. When you are attempting to get your teenager to take out the trash, help with the dishes or finish homework, it may be hard to remember that your child was ever an adorable toddler.
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When kids are as strong-willed as their parents, the home wars can become pretty ugly, and it can bring out the dark side of an overly stressed mother or father. If you are wondering if you fall into this category, ask yourself this question: Have you ever wanted to punch your child? If the answer is yes, then you must look into what is being triggered inside you. There is no reason to ever hit your children, even if they are bigger than you are.
Parenting is a complete give. If you get anything back, consider it a gift. But never take the love for granted, because not every family has it. Those close and loving relationships require nurturing and an ability to catch yourself before you go off. I always recommend that if you need to say something that may come off as criticism, say it to yourself first to make sure there is nothing hurtful in your words.
On the other hand, when your kid says they hate you or rolls their eyes at just about everything you say, it can cut deeply. The proper response is, “I understand how you feel, but I love you anyway.”
Remember that all of us get stressed out at times, and this includes children. We all can overreact rather than properly respond when we have too much on our plates. Having a family discussion is something that few families do, but the results can change things in an amazing way. The goal is to reach a common understanding about how to have a loving home.
Children respond to love and kindness. So do we all. The best way to teach your kids the value of a supportive family is to set the example for them.
If you would like a copy of my tips on “How to Hold a Family Meeting,” please send an e-mail to Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com with the words “Family Meeting” in the subject line.
