A OnePoll survey of 1,000 moms has revealed that this year they would like to spend Valentine’s Day alone.
(CNN) — Valentine's Day is a day of love, a special day on which we're supposed to make sure that those around us know how much we care for them. But on this day when Cupid is supposed to strike us with his arrow, there are several reasons to think "love" (by its many definitions) isn't what it once was in the United States, for better or for worse.
Indeed, here are four potentially troubling statistics and one potentially positive sign about love in the U.S.
A 30-year low for sex
Twenty-six percent of Americans ages 18 and up didn't have sex once over the past 12 months, according to the 2021 General Social Survey. You might think this is just a pandemic effect, but it's part of a long-term trend. The two years with next-highest percentage of adults saying they didn't have sex once in the past year were 2016 (23%) and 2018 (23%) — the last two times the survey was conducted. Before 2004, the highest percentage of Americans who said they hadn't had sex in the past year was 19%.
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Last year's survey was also the first time that the percentage of Americans who had sex once a month or less topped 50%. In 1989, 35% of American adults had sex once a month or less.
A 30-year low for living together
It's not just about sex. Some 62% of Americans ages 25 to 54 lived with a partner or were married, according to a 2021 Pew Research Center study of 2019 U.S. Census Bureau data. This included 53% who were married and 9% who were cohabitating. That's well below the 71% of couples who lived together in 1990, with 67% married and 4% cohabitating.
You might think the growing share of unmarried people living without a spouse is due to rising educational levels among women who don't need the financial support of a man. The statistics tell a different story, though. Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married. A lot of people won't get married if they don't think it's financially feasible, according to Pew polling.
There's also been a higher increase in unmarried men living alone (10 points) than women (7 points) compared to the 1990 baseline.
Younger people aren't getting married at the same rate as their elders.
Partnership at a low, not just marriage
Could it just be the case that people are still in relationships, but don't want to be tied down by either living together or being married? Yes, but the statistics suggest something else is cooking.
The General Social Survey has, on and off since 1986, asked participants whether they had a steady partner. This past year, 30% of adults ages 25 to 54 (the same age bracket as the Pew study) indicated that they did not have a steady partner. In 1986, it was 20%. In fact, the percentage of 25- to 54-year-olds who said they didn't have a steady partner never topped 23% prior to the 2010s. It's been 25% or above in every survey since.
Interestingly, as the population ages and more baby boomers have gotten above the age of 55, the percentage of older folks in a relationship has stayed fairly steady — in the mid-to-high 60s on average.
That means this trend toward singledom is more about young people than older people. It's the same with sex: The percentage of those age 55 and older not having any sex in the last year (40%) is about the same as it was 30 years ago.
No card for Valentine's Day
Love is supposed to be in the air on Valentine's Day.
A 2022 Monmouth University poll found, however, that a mere 55% of Americans in relationships usually receive a Valentine's Day card from their partner. Combine the other 45% with the over 30% of all American adults without a partner, and most people aren't getting a card from a partner this year.
Once again, it's among the younger generation where love seems to be less in the air. The clear majority (64%) of Americans ages 55 and older who are in a relationship say they usually get a card from their partner. This drops to 57% among those ages 35 to 54 and a mere 41% for ages 18-34.
Divorce rate is dropping
If there is one thing good about declining marriage and partner rates, it's that it seems people are less likely to run headlong into a marriage that has a high probability of failing.
The rate of divorces and annulments was at its lowest level this century in 2019, according to the CDC/NCHS National Vital Statistics System. There were 2.7 divorces and annulments per 1,000 people in the population. That's down from 4 per 1,000 in the year 2000.
It shouldn't be surprising, therefore, that the divorce rate among young adults has seen the sharpest drop. This is the group that is least likely to marry and seems to be doing a better job of going into a marriage that has a good chance of succeeding.
13 romantic dramas to stream for Valentine's Day
'The Age of Innocence' (1993)
Michelle Pfeiffer, left, and Daniel Day-Lewis in “The Age of Innocence.”
If you're liking HBO's "The Gilded Age," you will love "The Age of Innocence," Martin Scorsese's lush film based on Edith Wharton's novel of passion, propriety and regret in Old New York. Michelle Pfeiffer and Daniel Day-Lewis, particularly in a quiet but insanely steamy scene in a carriage, radiate impossibly gorgeous chemistry. (Streaming on Amazon Prime Video)
'Casablanca' (1942)
Ingrid Bergman, left, and Humphrey Bogart in a still from "Casablanca."
Is there a need to say anything about "Casablanca"? Bogie, Bergman and "As Time Goes By." Classic for a reason. (HBO Max)
'Bright Star' (2009)
Ben Whishaw, director Jane Campion and Abbie Cornish pose at a photo call for the film "Bright Star" at the Cannes film festival in France in May 2009.
Jane Campion, in the Oscar hunt this year for "The Power of the Dog," wrote and directed "Bright Star," an exquisite, heartbreaking drama about the poet John Keats (Ben Whishaw) and his doomed romance with his neighbor, Fanny Brawne (Abbie Cornish). It's as much an ode to poetry as it is to love. (Netflix)
'Crazy Heart' (2009)
Jeff Bridges poses with the Oscar for best performance by an actor in a leading role for "Crazy Heart" at the 82nd Academy Awards on March 7, 2010.
Even though "Crazy Heart" won a couple of Oscars (including best actor for Jeff Bridges), a lot of people may have missed this delicate character drama. It's worth tracking down. Bridges, as a worn-down country singer, gives one of his great career's best performances (a lovely companion piece to his work in "The Fabulous Baker Boys"). Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the journalist with whom he finds a gentle connection. (Amazon Prime)
'In the Mood for Love' (2000)
Maggie Cheung, left, and Tony Leung in the film "In The Mood For Love."
"In the Mood for Love" is Wong Kar-wai's masterpiece of romantic yearning. Set in 1962 Hong Kong, it's a simple story of two people (Tony Leung Chiu-wai, Maggie Cheung Man-yuk) whose spouses are having an affair — but oh, the lushness of its colors, the hypnotic velvet of its score, the poignancy of the main characters' quiet expressions. (HBO Max)
"The Photograph" (2020)
LaKeith Stanfield, left, and Issa Rae in "The Photograph."
In Stella Meghie's old-school drama "The Photograph," two lovely people (Issa Rae, LaKeith Stanfield) dig into the past while falling for each other in the present; it's a pleasure to fall along with them. (HBO Max)
'Portrait of a Lady on Fire' (2019)
Adele Haenel, left, and Noemie Merlant in “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”
"Portrait of a Lady on Fire" is another swoony period romance, this time set on an island in 1770s France, where two women — one an artist (Noemie Merlant) hired to paint an engagement portrait of the other (Adele Haenel) — find unexpected passion together. It's a gorgeous slow burn; little happens, but everything happens, as writer/director Celine Sciamma immerses us in painterly beauty. (Hulu)
"Disobedience" (2018)
"Disobedience" is another one that wasn't widely seen. This quiet but passionate film takes place within an Orthodox Jewish community in London, where two women (Rachel Weisz, Rachel McAdams) — one now married — secretly rekindle a long-ago-forbidden relationship. It's director Sebastian Lelio's first English-language film, and much of it is told wordlessly, with great generosity of spirit toward its characters. (Hulu)
'The French Lieutenant's Woman' (1981)
Meryl Streep is shown at the Los Angeles Film Critics Awards dinner in Beverly Hills, Calif., on Jan. 13, 1982. Streep won the best actress award for her role in "The French Lieutenant's Woman."
If you love romantic drama and you haven't seen "The French Lieutenant's Woman," here's a treat for you. Picture a young Meryl Streep and a young Jeremy Irons, in dual roles: They're playing actors filming a swoony period drama while carrying on an affair. (HBO Max)
"If Beale Street Could Talk" (2018)
Barry Jenkins ("Moonlight") makes gorgeous films, and "If Beale Street Could Talk," based on the James Baldwin novel, finds exquisite cinematic language for love and longing. It's a terribly sad story — a young couple (KiKi Layne, Stephan James) is separated when one is unjustly incarcerated — but love, in all its forms, shines brightly in every frame. (Hulu)
"Love & Basketball" (2000)
You don't have to be a sports fan to love "Love & Basketball," Gina Prince-Bythewood's warmhearted tale of two kids (Sanaa Lathan, Omar Epps) growing up, falling hard for basketball and for each other. And note that, though this one isn't a comedy, it does have the happiest of endings. (HBO Max)
"Loving" (2016)
"Loving" is based on the true-life story of an interracial couple who just wanted to raise their family in their small Virginia town (and whose case led to the U.S. Supreme Court striking down state laws banning interracial marriage). This sensitive and lovely film is about a fight for justice and about two people (played with quiet chemistry by Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga) who have found home in each other. (Netflix)
"Phantom Thread" (2017)
If you like your romantic dramas with an elegant dollop of weird, check out "Phantom Thread," Paul Thomas Anderson's tale of a midcentury London fashion designer (Daniel Day-Lewis) and his unexpected muse (Vicky Krieps). Gorgeous, mesmerizing and thoroughly odd; just try to look away. (Netflix)
