The holiday meal is a great place for political discussion | Jill Ebstein

For almost three decades, I have explicitly ruled out political talk at our holiday meals. Our gathering is huge and meaningful, and I love the Kumbaya moment of extended family and multiple friends singing “We gather together.”

Our turkey meal has been a hallowed space of love and tradition. I even censored my husband’s opening remarks before we eat. I gave him strict guidance not to engage in a topic that might spark political warfare at the table. He figured out how to offer thoughtful ideas to get us thinking without a bruising debate.

Now, though, I am proposing that we allow political discussion at the holiday table -- with guardrails such as limits on time and forbidden topics.

Why the change of heart?

We have lost our ability to disagree civilly with one another. The ability to hear and manage conflicting views is an important life skill. Sadly, I suspect our children aren’t learning this skill sufficiently. This could be due to shortcomings at universities, social media influencers or mental fatigue. Too many of us are choosing echo chambers of like-minded people where we feel most comfortable. 

If our children are not learning how to hear differing perspectives, then we need to teach them. The discourse will sharpen their thoughts and strengthen some too-gentle sensibilities. 

We are approaching a tipping point of bad ideas that need airing out. This requires time and focus, which we are in short supply of these days. But at a holiday meal, we slow down. We watch football, talk to Aunt Bessie about her knitting and help with the table setup. We have time to sit back and think. 

We have an opportunity to probe. For example, if our discussions lead someone to like the idea of free public transit, we might pressure-test it. Would free rides create budget shortfalls? Service cuts? Safety concerns? Crowding? 

The transit question is a relatively slow pitch over home plate. Other topics would likely draw more heat — immigration, antisemitism, affordability, the value of a college education and even the powers the Constitution grants the president. 

Imagine a world where we could debate these challenges and actually hear the other side. Might it be easier to find solutions? 

Here's an even bigger reason political conversation should have a place at the holiday table: I am grateful to live in the great United States, even though I understand we’re not perfect. No country is. It has become fashionable to find the many reasons the rest of the world is better. 

In 2024, we processed 1.5 million political asylum applications. So many people outside our country respect America. We are still viewed by many as the country that offers the most freedom of expression and opportunity. This also means that sometimes we have to put up with some foolish ideas — such as suggestions that the Holocaust never happened.  

Holiday meals, with all their cheer, might be the right place to allow freedom of expression, even about politics. 

I know political conversations are never easy. When my son returned from college during his freshman year, I immediately met him with, “Can you believe Condoleezza Rice is withdrawing as the commencement speaker at Rutgers because students were protesting her role in the Iraq war?” 

We engaged in a heated discussion about maintaining an open mind, even when you think you know better. Weeks later, I received a postcard from my son that had an image of pears in a bowl. He wrote: “I saw these pears and thought of you. Here's to nature, ceramic bowls and letting each pear ripen. Your son, with love.” 

“Ripen” was well said, which could only happen because we had a challenging, thought-provoking conversation. 

In a world that can feel brazen, the holiday table should allow some space for “hot” conversations, but with respect. My son’s postcard sits on my desk as a reminder.