Dating in Tucson

Especially in a college town like Tucson. Sure, there are plenty of bars, clubs and unattached folks around the University of Arizona area, but what happens when you mature past that demographic? Hang around there too long and you'll risk being slapped with the "creepy" label. It's a spread-out city, so there's not just one spot where people can get together to mix and mingle.

"I think it's a really hard town to meet other people in," said Katrina Setzer, owner and co-founder of singles group Tucson Fun & Adventures Inc. "I think part of it is because we're so spread out. There's not any downtown area where we can all go — there's Fourth Avenue, but that's all college kids."

"For people in my age range or older, it's difficult," added the 39-year-old Setzer.

So what's a single Southern Arizonan to do, besides perhaps cry into his microwaved soup for one? Luckily, several organizations in town are watching out for the uncoupled among us.

Speed dating

Speed dating started in the late 1990s, and has blossomed into a full-fledged cultural phenomenon. And it's going on right here in Tucson — although there's no guarantee you'll meet as many colorful characters as Steve Carell's character did in that scene in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."

The dominant name in the Tucson speed-dating scene is Cupid.com/ PreDating. Sort of a hybrid of online dating and speed dating, all participants fill out online profiles on Cupid.com before going to one of the speed-dating "PreDating" events held by the national company. Then a group of evenly numbered male and female singles meet at a restaurant or bar and pair up for six minutes of small talk — the idea being that six minutes of conversation is enough time to decide whether or not you're interested in talking to someone again. After that, you're on to the next person. Every guy gets a chance to talk to every girl and vice versa (at this point, it's aimed solely at heterosexual singles).

For those who like speed dating, it removes a lot of the guesswork — all of the participants are (presumably) single and looking. Meeting 12 people in one night can obviously be very efficient, and the environment is fairly relaxed.

Maureen Benigno, local event coordinator for Cupid.com and PreDating, said it's a lot safer than dating online. "If you want to talk to someone again, or don't want to, you can."

After the event, the speed daters log on to their Cupid.com profiles and give the yea or nay whether they want to meet anyone from the event again. If there's a match (two yeses), they can contact each other and the rest is essentially up to them. Organizers try hard to ensure that people who have met at a previous event don't cross paths again if they sign up for a future one — imagine how awkward it would be having to spend six minutes with someone you've already given a "no" to.

Benigno, a retiree from New York, has been coordinator for about five years, with her husband, Anthony, helping at events. Her daughter, a PreDating event coordinator in Charlotte, N.C., had suggested she try and get it started here.

"It really took off in Tucson," said Benigno of PreDating and speed dating in general. "I think it was the first one here," she said of her organization.

The Benignos say their clientele consists of a lot of professionals, including engineers, lawyers, doctors, nurses and teachers. "A lot of people think you have to be desperate, and that's not the case," Benigno said.

Ben Myerson, a 26-year-old computer programmer, was a first-time speed dater at the recent Melting Pot event and skeptical going into the process.

"It's not nearly as terrible as I thought it would be," Myerson said.

Others also appreciated the low-stress, no-nonsense approach.

"I think it's hard to meet people in Tucson," said Jamie Wagoner, a 30-year-old physical therapist. "We did this once before and it was a total disaster, but this was much better. I think the age range was better."

Different speed-dating events target different demographics. The event Wagoner attended at the Melting Pot was for women ages 23 to 33 and men 25 to 35, but an Aug. 14 event at Benihana is for women ages 29 to 39 and men 31 to 41.

The event Aug. 20 at Fleming's Steakhouse & Wine Bar is for an older crowd — women ages 49 to 59, and men 51 to 62.

The age discrepancy between genders is by design.

"I think a guy is just more comfortable meeting younger women," Benigno said, "and a girl is usually looking for older men."

The Benignos say they can count some committed love connections that happened as a result of speed dating. "It's great when you hear back that they're getting married," she said. "It's like you're making a difference in people's lives."

Cost: $35 if you register up to a couple of days in advance, $40 after that.

Info: Pre-dating.com/speeddating/TUC.php or 235-3068.

Tucson Fun & Adventures

Tucson Fun & Adventures — referred to as TFA by its approximately 350 active members — celebrates its 10-year anniversary this month.

Started in 1997, the group gathers single people from all over town with the goal of simply having fun doing a variety of activities. Relationships and marriages have arisen as a result of the club, but that's usually not the first thing on the minds of the members.

Setzer and a business partner founded the group after a similar organization in town (that she worked for as an event coordinator) folded.

"It was their concept," she said. "They were only in business for about a year. We tweaked it, made it a lot less expensive."

Setzer came from the travel industry, and had almost no experience running a business when she and her partner started Tucson Fun & Adventures.

"Seven years into it, she met a member, fell in love and had a baby," said Setzer, who bought out her partner's share two and a half years ago. Up until then, they worked out of their home offices, but Setzer now has an office space for the organization.

She's clear about what TFA is not.

"We're not a dating service. The way we kind of tout ourselves is an activities club."

Setzer is aware, however, that many members are frequently also looking for something more.

"I think that everybody would love to meet their soulmate. This is just kind of a comfortable way to get themselves out there," she said. "Most people say that they join to meet people, but I think deep down everybody would like to meet that special someone." Setzer estimates there have been 130 marriages of people who have met through the group (and that she knows of only one divorce).

Every month, members gather at a local restaurant or bar— this past month at Pinnacle Peak — to go over the slate of programming scheduled for the month, which varies from dancing and happy hours to hiking, whitewater rafting and scuba diving.

The group also plans trips — as close as Mexico, which members hit often, and as far as New Zealand and Fiji, where they are going soon. Members can go on as few or as many events as they want. Setzer said there's between eight and 130 people at a given event.

The group attracts a fairly diverse crowd, though Setzer admits that almost all of its members are straight.

Recently, a few dozen people ranging in age from their 20s to their 50s gathered for a pool party, held at a North Side home of one of the members.

"We do these two times a month in the summer," said Tucson Fun & Adventures Club event coordinator Amy Swanson. "There's a lot of food and a lot of social interaction."

True to her word, the pool party (which cost members $15) indeed offered both — chicken cooking on a grill and a variety of side dishes, while the guests chatted and hung out at the pool as loud '90s pop hits blared. Many had known each other for a while, but at least one was totally new to the organization.

"I graduated school in Wisconsin and was offered a job in Tucson," said Mike Erickson, an aircraft mechanic who, at 24, seemed to be the youngest person at the party.

He said the only people he knew in Tucson when he moved here recently were his grandparents, which is why he searched online for a group like TFA. He said that the only other real socializing he'd attempted was heading to Maloney's on a Sunday night. "There were like five people there," he explained with a laugh.

So far, he likes what he's seen with TFA. "It's a really great club for people new to the area."

Of course, there was the issue of being the youngest guy at the pool party.

"It does seem like I'm a bit younger," Erickson said. "Hopefully I can meet someone my age."

At 46, video editor Bryan Pierson seemed closer to the median age at the pool party. He's been involved with the group for six years and said he likes it because even if you don't make a romantic connection, you make friends and always have something interesting to do.

"You join the club because you want to meet people," Pierson said. "It gives you a club where you can come in and have 100 friends, and there's a lot of different things for different age groups."

Unlike Erickson, Pierson isn't new in town — he's lived in Tucson all his life. But he still makes an effort to hit five to six events a month.

Some members, like 40-year-old counselor Sherry Rigby, join just wanting to make friends.

"That's not what I'm here for," said Rigby, of looking for romantic relationships. She joined more than a year ago. "I have made a lot of good friends in this club.

"What I liked about it is there are a lot of events that are pre-planned; you can pick and choose."

Former member Monica Avery agrees. She joined the group while single to meet other women to go out with, and has since married someone outside TFA. Although you have to be single to remain in the group (Setzer said that married people who met through TFA can retain their membership, but they usually don't choose to), Avery keeps up with the friendships she's made with TFA.

"It's a social club," said Avery, who credits the group with helping her find more confidence to get out and meet people. "If you're out and having a good time and enjoying your life, people are going to notice that and ask you out."

Swanson met her boyfriend through the group. "If you're wanting to look for someone, it works for that. But if you're just looking for some friends, it works for that, too."

Roy Albright, a 47-year-old commercial photographer, also met his significant other through the club. Despite having a girlfriend, he still attends group events, and even hangs out with fellow TFA members outside "officially sanctioned" get-togethers.

"If you come with the attitude of just looking for that quick hit," he said, "that doesn't work. I think the guys that have the most fun are the ones that are just here to have fun."

Cost: New members pay a one-time "initiation fee" of $249, or $199 if they join at a meeting. From there, they pick how long they want to be an "active" member — it's $174 for six months, $288 for 12 months and $499 for 24 months. If someone leaves the group, he can come back at any time.

Many events are free, some are $5-$15, and some, like the Fiji/New Zealand trip, cost up to $2,500.

Info: tucsonfun.com or 256-3866.

Other options for singles

It's Just Lunch (itsjustlunchtucson.com or 299-6338) — A national dating service that brings together "busy professionals" for, that's right, lunch dates.

Tucson Desert Singles (tucsondesertsingles.org) — Local group for adults "mid-forties or older who are single, legally separated, divorced or widowed."

Online (tucson.craigslist.org and myriad other sites) — We've all heard about dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony.com, but don't forget about Craigslist, which is full of personal ads from people in Tucson, whether you're a man seeking women, a man seeking men, a woman seeking women, and so on.