New Bum Steer still trying to define itself

That's all I needed to hear.

I gathered a group of friends and we headed to the Steer, a veteran among Tucson restaurants, for a night of burgers, beer and Billy Joel covers.

We took our seats upstairs. But something wasn't quite right about the restaurant, which reopened in December after being closed for 18 months.

The dueling pianists weren't playing pianos, but electric keyboards. And there was only one of them.

Moreover, the place was dead. We were the only customers seated upstairs, and one of only three parties in the entire restaurant — on a Saturday night!

Eventually, the second pianist arrived and a few more customers trickled in.

Now we had a new problem: The pianists didn't know any of the songs we requested.

Bon Jovi? No. Guns N' Roses? Nope. Sir Mix-a-Lot? Sorry.

Instead, we were treated to Bryan Adams' "(Everything I do) I Do It For You." Ugh.

So it came as no surprise when restaurant manager Justin Swann said recently that the Bum Steer had discontinued the dueling pianos.

"We're putting it on hiatus until we are prepared to come back and really do it right," he said.

Swann needs a new pianist, for starters. He said he had to fire two pianists since he started the dueling thing in April.

"I had one guy who wanted to sit there and play his own songs and not look at the crowd," Swann says. "At one point somebody handed him a napkin with a song request written on it and he told the person, 'I'm not a human jukebox.' And I said, 'That's enough. You're gone.' "

For most of its life, the Bum Steer was known as a nightclub that also served some grub. The barnlike structure, which opened more than three decades ago, was a longtime favorite of the college set. More recently, however, the club's hip-hop and Latin dance music became popular with an even younger and more raucous crowd.

After lots of fights and a fatal shooting three years ago, the Bum Steer had an undeniable image problem. With that in mind, new owner Heiko Langrehr announced that henceforth the building would be home to a "family restaurant."

The hip-hop vanished and so did the more violent video games in the arcade. A Build-a-Bear station is on the way.

One thing that hasn't changed is the décor. Zillions of antiques, including a Singer sewing machine, still hang from the ceiling.

Then there are the bathrooms. The door on the men's room states "Ladies this way" with an arrow, and the women's restroom also features a bum steer. So be careful.

In the old days, the bathroom walls were plastered with pornography. Naked men in one, naked women in the other. No longer.

My friends Brandon and Andy helped me sample the cuisine. We started with a plate of jalapeño poppers ($5.79), which were deep-fried, stuffed with piping hot white cheese and served with ranch dipping sauce.

Brandon ordered the flat-iron steak, cooked medium, with a side of fries ($9.79). The steak was closer to well-done. The tasty steak fries were hot and lightly salted.

Andy ordered the Steer's famous Jiffy Burger ($7.59), which comes with bacon and peanut butter. He didn't care for it. I'm not sure what he was expecting. But in my opinion, if you order something just because it sounds weird, you're not allowed to complain when it tastes, you know, weird.

The Caesar salad ($6.39) was large enough to be a meal unto itself and came with enough dressing and shredded cheese to keep it from feeling too healthy.

Food prices were fair enough, but the beer is another story. A pitcher of Sam Adams is $15!

"I think people want drink prices to be like they were when they used to come to the Bum Steer," Swann says. "But that was a long time ago."

Drink specials as recently as 2005 included penny pints on Tuesdays and $1 margaritas and Long Island iced teas on Saturdays.

Those specials, like the hip-hop and the porn and the crowded dance floors, have gone away.

1910 N. Stone Ave.

• Hours: 11 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Mondays-Tuesdays; 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Wednesdays-Saturdays; 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Sundays.

• More info: 884-7377.

The Bill

Jalapeño poppers: $5.79.

Jiffy burger: $7.59.

Flat-iron steak: $9.79.

Caesar salad: $6.39.

Total before tax and tip: $29.56.