Being the full-time caretaker of a loved one can be a tough job; you have to learn a few tricks to give both the other person and yourself the care you deserve.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith
I am currently the primary caretaker for a loved one in hospice. It’s pretty much a 24/7 job. I want to be there for her, and I’m going to embrace every moment we have together. But the truth is I’m also tired.
Daily morning runs to the doctor for injections, trying to find something she’ll eat, cleaning up after her. I’ve become numb to most of it. Being woken at all hours has turned into just napping any chance I get. Getting up before 6 a.m. is not what I signed up for as a writer.
The pressure of watching a loved one die and taking on the task of caring for that individual really means that you are giving up part of your life. You now come second, and while any seasoned caregiver will tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, that rule often can be overlooked.
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It’s important to take a break. Take a moment to pretend you are somewhere else doing whatever suits your fancy. One of the ways I give myself a mini vacation is to imagine being in the south of France, drinking champagne and laughing.
It also helps to be around other positive people, doing fun things like having dinner. You can ask others to come by and hang out, so you don’t have to leave your loved one. Friends can bring a little love and good energy into the home. Times like these make the process of being a caregiver much easier.
There will be moments when it feels like it’s all too much. You may even have thoughts of wishing the person you are caring for would just pass peacefully, and then you feel guilty. You may be approaching burnout. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s really important to take care of yourself, so you can continue taking care of the one who needs you most.
There are support groups for caregivers. You can call your local hospital and ask if they can recommend any in your area. The internet also can be very helpful. You also can keep a journal to get your feelings out, or post on Facebook or blog to release some of your stress. Getting positive feedback will help keep you strong.
Remember that you are doing an amazing thing here. You have given up much of your time to care for someone else who is almost ready to leave this life. It’s a gift to both of you, but it is one that takes a lot of energy, so find ways to get the support you need to keep going.
It can be a wild ride with someone who may be bedridden. There will be tears and laughter. Whatever happens, the gift you are giving will come back to you. By caring for another, you are being your best self, and the other person is getting the help they deserve.
