Dear Carolyn: One relationship, two distinct ways of dealing with conflict. The guy needs time alone, approximately one day, and will return happy with the problem being almost nonexistent (and will get slightly perturbed if issues are brought up for discussion too quickly after reunion of guy and girl). The girl wants to discuss problems immediately, while they are still quite relevant, and can't stand the idea of conflicts dissolving into thin air (but will avoid bringing them up to reignite fights). What's the compromise here?
— Frustrated
There is no compromise here, there is only maturity.
Some conflicts don't dissolve on their own, but instead recur, unless you talk your way to a mutual understanding and acceptance; those tend to get bigger when you ignore them.
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Some conflicts don't recur, but instead are merely situational; those tend to get bigger when you keep bringing them up.
So neither of your "distinct ways" will be effective, productive or healthy on its own. Each has to be paired with judgment to work well, to distinguish which approach is necessary. (Two level heads work wonders, too.)
That judgment can arise from experience, but I think humility and flexibility are better bets. The humility is to help you accept that Your Way isn't necessarily always the Right Way, and the flexibility helps you override your natural impulse to talk, talk, talk — or, in his case, retreat, retreat, retreat. It's not about meeting each other halfway so much as it is about meeting each other where the situation itself suggests.
And that's the conversation you and the guy need to have. Raise the issue of conflict in general, and not the latest specific issue(s). If even that gets him "slightly perturbed," then there might not be enough maturity to work with here. If avoiding certain conversation topics is the only way you can get along, then that's not getting along; that's just smiling for the camera, at best.
