My wife’s first cousin was a successful high school math teacher and coach. His wife was a successful attorney in state government and for a large school system. Unfortunately, she experienced early onset memory loss.
As my mother-in-law aged she developed memory loss. Her fervent hope was that she would always know her family members and friends, which she did. Though her memory loss limited her understanding of situations, it was a wonderful gift to have her know us and to receive her generously given heartfelt love and affection. That did not change with her memory loss!
I have had a right hemisphere stroke which left me with my speech and ability to think, but also with left-sided paralysis. During one of our visits with the cousin couple, the wife in good humor said to me: “We should combine your brain and my body.” The cousin couple’s marriage was not based on infatuation, but on a commitment to each other to love, comfort, and faithfully keep each other in sickness and health.
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One time when my wife’s cousin was talking with his pastor about his wife’s memory loss he said: “That’s what we signed up for.”
He was referring to his marriage vow to his wife and her vow to him:
“Will you have this woman/man to be your wedded wife/husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep only unto her/him, so long as you both shall live?”
The cousin couple shared many happy times together, traveled to interesting places, thoroughly enjoyed their two sons, sons’ spouses, and their grandchildren. Sadly however, they also experienced the heartache of the passing of a young grandchild and the wife’s early onset memory loss. They relied on God’s grace to help them fulfill their marriage commitment to: “Reflect (God’s) steadfast love in lifelong faithfulness to each other.” In the words of my wife’s cousin: “That’s what we signed up for.”
Along with the challenges of my stroke, I have experienced wonderful love and care from my spouse. Fortunate me! “That is also what she must have signed up for!”
Rev. P. Michael Carlson
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