Why are you reading this? Why are you still here?
Why aren't you camping under the pines or shivering on the beach in San Diego with all the other Zonies?
Used to be, you could lie down in the middle of East Speedway in mid-July and never fear the tread of tires. But no more.
I don't know if it's the economy — and the resultant "stay-cations" — or the fact that Tucson's gotten too big to just close up shop from June to September.
Whatever the reason, this much is clear three weeks into summer: It still takes 45 minutes to get across town. And it still takes two, maybe three lights to make a left turn at Swan and Grant roads during rush hour.
Years ago, before air conditioning, or even the swamp box, men in town who could afford it put their wives and kids on trains heading for the West Coast.
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Summer bachelors, these men were called, and judging by some of the stories told, they didn't seem to mind the heat. Not when they could play cards all night in their underwear, smoke and cuss to their hearts' content, and maybe flirt a little with the single ladies left behind.
Air conditioning and women joining the work force changed all that. Now we all suffer equally.
But if you are stuck here for the summer, don't despair. Embrace what's good about the season. As in:
• Slow-moving fans
• Straw hats
• Drive-in movies
• Orange flip-flops
• Short hair
• All-cotton nightgowns
• Dried-on-the-line sheets on the bed
• Starry, starry nights
• Moonrise over the mountains
• Lime Popsicles
• Kids playing past dark
• Fireworks after the baseball game
• No homework
• Red hibiscus blooms
• Easy laughter coming from your next-door-neighbor's patio
• Reruns of TV shows you never saw the first time around
• Lemon slices in water
• June bugs
• Too hot to cook
• Thunder rumbling in the distance
• Raindrops plopping in the dust
• Guiltless dirty windows
• Going barefoot
• Fresh sprig of mint
• Cruising Speedway with the top down
• Cool washcloth on your forehead
• Fresh tomatoes
• New sunglasses
• Pink toenails
• Afternoon naps
• Oldies on the radio
• Cheap deals at the resorts
• Gossiping over the back fence
• Baby quail following their mother
• Corn on the cob so fresh it spurts
• The tinkling sound of the ice cream truck
• Raspberry snow cones
• A shady spot
• Cold watermelon
• Outdoor concerts
• Fresh-mown grass
• A hammock
• Anyone for croquet?
• No tie, no problem
• Trips to the library
• No more "lost" Winnebagos out on the streets
• Hummingbirds at the feeder
• A double rainbow after a storm
• The smell of creosote after it rains
• Putting things off with, "Let's do this when the weather turns cooler."

