Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Carolyn:
How do you deal with being considered the "strong one" when everyone around you is cratering and you don't feel strong anymore?
My best friend is having a severe family crisis involving false accusations, which may result in criminal charges against her. My beau is battling an unreasonable ex in a bitter custody dispute that continues to get worse. I will be subpoenaed and deposed in both of these matters.
All of this is out of the norm for me and the people I am surrounded by, and it scares me. My mom is having major health problems, and it is the busiest and most stressful time of the year at my job.
None of this drama is really MY drama, but it affects me just the same. I'm tired and scared and not feeling strong. But all these people are depending on me to be so.
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– Texas
It's what I'd recommend if you were one of the troubled people you mention: Strip your daily life of everything but essentials, and use whatever time you save to take meticulous care of yourself. Eat healthfully, get fresh air and/or exercise, get plenty of sleep, set aside time for nonharmful pleasures, confide in someone you trust to be comforting.
When you can, actively seek out perspective, too. There's a reason beach walks, for example, are therapeutic; sometimes it's a relief to feel insignificant. A big sky, great architecture, an inspiring museum, an old college, a historic site — all can have the same grounding effect.
Re: The Strong One:
First, try on the idea that not everyone is counting on you to be the strong one, that it's YOUR expectation.
Second, sounds like you are being handed one, great big lesson in not being so involved in other people's stuff.
You need to learn to care with some healthy detachment. It's like saving someone from drowning — you are much more effective if you stay on the sidelines and throw them what they need than if you try to jump in and join the struggle.
All except your mom's health problems, because facing losing your mom is your issue.
– Anonymous
Excellent, thank you.