Turkeys do it all the time. Without the stilettos. Earlier in the week, we all heard the tragic news of how a contestant in the Miss Plastic Hungary contest had toppled off her high heels, tearing a ligament in her foot and pretty much erasing her from the competition.
Word is that Alexandra Horvath's augmented breasts made her too top-heavy, causing her to lose her balance.
"She had not got used to the extra weight on top and her new hair extensions got in her eyes," Horvath's friend told the British online publication www.metro.co.uk.
Now you know why turkeys don't wear hair extensions — or enter beauty contests in Hungary.
Trailblazers all, turkeys have been bred for their breast meat for decades now, to the point that they can hardly walk.
Consider this a warning, ladies. Not that they ever will.
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In fact, the recent contest in Hungary not only allowed artificially enhanced body parts, it celebrated them — along with the surgeons who made it all possible.
All contestants must have gone under the knife in some way. Appendectomies, it would seem, did not qualify. What did, at least from the photos I've seen, were breast implants.
Supposedly, the contest was organized as a protest against other beauty competitions that had barred certain, um, enhancements.
Yeah, right, maybe in Hungary. Certainly not in the United States. And certainly not in Venezuela, which has won more major international beauty contests than any other country, including the last two Miss Universe titles.
Beauty — and the competition it breeds — is so big in this small South American country that half the population watches the national Miss Venezuela contest on TV — more than any sporting event.
In fact, the rigorous training involved in becoming a future Miss Venezuela takes place in what a recent ABC "Nightline" program compared to an Olympic training academy.
Here, in a pink building in northern Caracas, several dozen young women every year go through rigorous training in makeup, bikini modeling and slinking about in four-inch heels.
They also meet with a Dr. Petr Romer, the official plastic surgeon to the Miss Venezuela Pageant.
Though the contestants have been coached not to admit to any surgeries, Romer proudly told "Nightline" that he worked his magic on about half of the last 20 Miss Venezuela finalists.
Included in the tally: five nose jobs, six breast implants (we're assuming that's in pairs) and three liposuctions.
While I was watching all this, one thought kept popping into my head: Barbie.
Except for hair coloring, most of the beauties featured on the program could have easily matched Barbie, with her upturned nose and body measurements.
According to previous calculations, Barbie, scaled to human proportions, would stand 5 feet 9 inches tall and measure out as a perfect 36-18-33.
Stefania Fernandez, this year's reigning Miss Universe and former Miss Venezuela, stands 5-8 with measurements of 35-24-35.
Obviously, the poor thing does need to whittle that waist down a bit. Then she will truly be perfect. Still, one does have to wonder if beauty contest judges somewhere down the road will tire of all these gorgeous, cranked-out clones.
Only then, perhaps, will we go back to celebrating the term "natural beauty."
