Native New Yorker's menu includes this warning about its suicide wings:
No refunds.
Those with weak taste buds or a lack of courage might view that as their way out. Why take the chance and waste money?
The macho — or plain stupid — among us reads "no refunds" as a challenge: Bring it on.
But you cannot simply rush into a fiery chicken wing with the preamble of "suicide." You must work your way up from the mild and sweet to the tongue-searing hot.
Folks in the Phoenix area have had nearly three decades to warm to Native New Yorker's wings. The restaurant chain, owned by a family hailing from the wing's namesake birthplace in Buffalo, N.Y., has built a reputation for wings, winning the various best-of contests in Phoenix.
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We got our first taste of those wings when franchise partners Brian Klingensmith and Dave and John Damitio opened the Tucson area's first Native New Yorker last month. The Tucson restaurant takes up a quarter of a strip mall off North Cortaro Road and Interstate 10, in a space with 360-degree views of 46 panel TVs mounted throughout the modest bar, large dining room and private dining area. Each room is outfitted with tables and booths, and, no matter where you sit, you can catch a sporting event on one of those TVs. You won't even miss the action when you slip off to use the restroom; there's a small TV mounted above the sink in the men's and women's facilities.
This is every bit the sports bar, with a menu heavy on pizza, sandwiches and wings. In two visits in the weeks after it opened, we found that Native New Yorker shines on super casual fare and seems to struggle when things get more complicated.
On our first visit a few days after it opened, the beef on kummelweck sandwich ($6.95) — a Buffalo favorite — was a work of art. Thin slices of slow-roasted, tender, flavorful roast beef were sandwiched between halves of a crunchy, pillowy soft kaiser roll crusted with rock salt, garlic and caraway seeds. It was the perfect balance of salt and sweet, and the accompanying au jus added a savory finish.
Pizza is served on hand-stretched, thin crust and is generously topped. There are nine specialty pizzas, including the intriguing "garbage pizza" ($8.95) that sported pepperoni, banana peppers, jalapeños, sausage, meatballs and green olives. The sweet from the sausage, tart from the olives and spice from the peppers perfectly complemented the crispy crust, which was sturdy enough to hold the toppings even into the next day's leftovers.
On that same visit we were disappointed in the twin sliders offered on the kids menu ($3.95). The thin, square beef patties were dry and flavorless.
We had a similar experience with the grilled shrimp skewers ($13.99) off the seasonal spring menu on a return visit to the Tucson restaurant May 27. The shrimp, seasoned with salt and pepper, was tender enough but lacked any distinction beyond the smoky hue imparted from grilling. The grilled zucchini and roasted potatoes did little to redeem the experience.
Spaghetti and meatballs ($9.45) from the Native Favorites menu was frighteningly disappointing as well. The chunky, robust marinara blanketing a bed of slightly overcooked spaghetti could've used a healthier sprinkle of garlic. One of three fist-size meatballs, made of pork and beef, was hard as a baseball on one half. All three were tightly packed, and dry, possibly from overcooking or sitting under a heat lamp — or both. They also were grossly seasoned with oregano that clumped in little pockets. After a few bites, we rolled them aside.
The appetizers on both visits were culinary romps in creative combining. Our favorite was the buffalo chips ($5.75), creamy blue cheese dressing drizzled over a plate of homemade crispy-yet-tender potato chips and topped with crumbled, tangy blue cheese and scallions.
The one constant on both visits was the wings ($7.50 for a dozen, 55 cents apiece). They are fried naked until they are crispy and golden on the outside, juicy and plump on the inside.
We started our ascent to suicide with the oriental garlic, a slightly sweet sauce with hints of ginger. We chased those with the Asiago-Parmesan-dusted wings, which added a heft of salty seasoning to the crispy wings.
We passed on the pineapple teriyaki (sounded too sweet) and the strawberry hot (sounded too frou-frou) and went to the honey hot. The sticky-sweet sauce finished with a slight burn at the back of your throat, but it was nowhere near frightening.
Onto the medium hot, made with Frank's Red Hot sauce. (FYI: Authentic buffalo wings are made with a spicy sauce anchored by Frank's.) Like the honey hot, the medium left its burn on the tail end as it reached your throat.
The hot was a bit trickier: The heat introduces itself from the moment the wing touches your tongue, then grows more pronounced with every chew.
Finally, the pinnacle: suicide. We've had them in Buffalo, where they were so fiery you couldn't get one beyond your mouth before the spices ripped your lips, fried your tongue and took your breath away.
These were not that hot.
In fact, they were a gulp-of-water and gasp-of-breath hotter than the ordinary hot. No burned lips. No fried taste buds.
No regrets.
REVIEWS: TUCSON RestaurantS
TUCSON RESTAURANT Review
Native New Yorker
8225 N. Courtney Page Way, off Interstate 10 and North Cortaro Road, Marana; 744-7200.
• Hours: 11 a.m.-midnight Sundays-Thursdays, 11 a.m.-2 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays.
• Family call: The kids will love it.
• Noise level: Can get loud between baseball, basketball, golf and football blaring on 46 panel TVs.
• Vegetarian choices: A few salads and appetizers.
• Dress: Casual.
• Reservations: Not needed.
• Price range: Entrees range from $6.95 to $13.99; pizzas run as high as $20.95.
• Wing special: Wings are 35 cents apiece on Tuesdays.
• Happy hour: 3-6 p.m. Mondays-Fridays, 10 p.m.-close Sundays and Mondays; some half-price appetizers and discounted drinks.