Dear J.T. & Dale: I love my new boss of the last four months. She’s very smart and has taught me a lot. But the downside is she “lives in the gap.” What I mean is she’s never satisfied. No matter what we do, she always points out what didn’t go right or how much further we need to go. She doesn’t understand the “little victories.” I know she has pressure, but people are getting fed up. Should I say something to her before people start quitting? — Miranda
J.T.: It’s very likely your new boss came from an environment focused on relentless improvement, and thus, she probably doesn’t see it as a negative. That said, I think there’s nothing wrong with you pulling her aside and letting her know that her attitude might be misinterpreted by some of your peers. I would open the conversation by telling her how much you respect and admire her, how much you’ve learned from her already, and that you like having her as your boss and thought she would want to know. That way, she may not take offense when you share it with her. All that said, don’t be surprised if she comes back and says, “Nope, I’m in charge now and this is the way it is.” But, at least that way, you’ll know that it’s not going to change and then people can decide if they want to stay with the new management style or not.
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DALE: I see another route here that might just have more upside and less downside. In fact, here’s a chance to become closer to your boss by becoming an ally rather than a critic. Instead of telling her (in effect) that she needs to change, offer to be the change. Tell her you’d like to start a recognition effort. You volunteer to go around to everyone on the team weekly or monthly and ask who has been helped by someone else on the team and/or who has gone above and beyond. Then, you’ll routinely review this in a team meeting or a regular email. Exactly how would it work? That would come out of a discussion with your boss. But, if all goes well, she’ll see you as her successor when you help her get promoted.
Emotional intelligence, or EI, is one of the most prized skills to have in any profession right now.
Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and the founder of the leading career site workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten’s latest book is “Experiments Never Fail: A Guide for the Bored, Unappreciated and Underpaid.” Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803.
