Will Kreamer's 57-point ode to Italian pro football, "Only in Italy," includes this gem:
"38. Our head coach, Tato Zamichieli, organized a pool before the Catania game to see who could come closest to the final score. Two of our coaches picked us to lose."
Indeed, one day in May, Kreamer's Milan Rhinos were beaten by the Catania Elephants 35-28.
Here's another:
"19. We had to practice without footballs because our No. 2 quarterback, Guido Gagna, had them in his car and he couldn't make it to practice."
All of this makes Kreamer laugh now that he is back in Tucson. Across three decades of coaching, from Sahuaro and Santa Rita to his alma mater, Tucson High School, and now Pima College, Kreamer thought he had seen it all. And then he went to Italy to be the offensive coordinator of the Milan Rhinos.
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"My left guard was an architect," Kreamer said with a chuckle. "My right guard worked in a body shop, and my right tackle worked at a helicopter factory. Sometimes, one of my linemen would have to pull a night shift and we wouldn't see him all week. We practiced from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. And then we'd all go out and eat and drink wine. Lots and lots of food and wine"
Kreamer loved it. All of it. He coached Italian pro football for five months and it was just the way he read about it in John Grisham's spirited novel, "Playing for Pizza."
"Grisham's book was right on; it allowed me to 'Coach for Pizza,' " said Kreamer. "It was the adventure of a lifetime."
How does a high school football coach from Tucson wind up coaching a team that has a 48-year-old defensive lineman named Flavio Moiraghi and a 38-year-old linebacker named Paolo Portaluppi?
It's in the blood. Kreamer's mother's last name is "Ceriale." Italian to the core.
Other Tucson coaches, including ex-UA defensive coordinator Moe Ankney, Salpointe Catholic's Bob Logan and Pima College's Jim Paul, had coached in Italy.
"I encouraged Will to go," said Logan, now the director of development for the UA College of Science. "I don't think he needed much encouragement, though. He missed coaching. He loves Italy. Boom. Gone."
There were some entanglements. Kreamer was the athletic director at Ironwood Ridge High School, a relatively new school experiencing sports prominence for the first time. It wasn't a good time to leave. Nor would it be a solo adventure. His wife, Sandra, has been a longtime official at the Veterans Affairs hospital.
To realize this opportunity to coach the Milan Rhinos, Will and Sandra Kreamer would have to leave their established positions in Tucson. They would both have to retire. This was at Christmastime. The Italian season would begin in, oh, three weeks.
No rush, right? And you don't get rich coaching football in Italy, where the legend of "Playing for Pizza" is a lot more accurate than "playing for lots of money." In midseason, for example, the Rhinos were a week late with Kreamer's paycheck.
From Kreamer's 57-point Only-in-Italy ode:
"54. The team president collected money from wives and girlfriends of the management during our game against Bolzano. They paid me after the game."
Kreamer knew the financial reality of the move. He also took out a map and quickly made note of 20 European cities he and his wife could visit during the Rhinos' three bye weeks.
"In the end, we decided, 'Why not go?' My instincts said go. I loved working at Ironwood Ridge, but I have no regrets. Taking Italian lessons twice a week was part of my contract. It was great. We went all in."
Pro football in Italy is something like pro soccer in the United States, but not that big. Each team is limited to three American players. Games are not played in 75,000-seat stadiums, but rather like those in Milan, the 8,000-seat Velodromo Vigorelli. It's an old cycling arena with a wild history: the Beatles performed there in 1965, and Led Zeppelin in 1971.
It is not, as the NFL can sometimes be, more important than life and death.
"There is a train track that runs right behind the visitor's bench in Bologna, and a train goes by every 10 minutes," Kreamer said. "Every time a train went by, a number of our players took off their helmets, waved and shouted, 'Ciao! Ciao!' to the passengers. Only in Italy."
Kreamer returned to Tucson last week and has agreed to help coach Pat Nugent's offensive line at Pima College. The wine won't flow and the post-game pizza won't be eaten in Rome or Parma or any other exotic place. It will be eaten in Yuma and Thatcher. But football is football, here or there.
"Maybe I'll go back next year," said Kreamer. "We're talking. Who says it has to be a once-in-a-lifetime thing?"
