Dr. Barton Goldsmith: Have we lost the personal touch?

We kids weren’t allowed to touch it, so we waited until Dad got home to listen to who had called that day. It was fun for a little while, and then we got used to it, and then more technology entered our lives. Some of it made life easier, some of it made life more complicated, but that’s progress. Ultimately, this progress has helped save lives and kept people closer.

I can remember sitting at home waiting for important phone calls, before answering machines changed our lives, and we all became more mobile by checking our messages from our pagers on payphones — remember either one of those? Life and communication has changed drastically since then, and though getting in touch with others is much easier and more efficient than it used to be, in some ways our communication has become less personal. It may not be so important in the grand scheme of things, but are we even losing the habit of using each other’s names?

Communicating by text or email will suffice in most situations, but if you want to give your message some emotional impact, it’s best to address the other person by name in your communication. Whether or not they notice this on a conscious level, it does have an impact. Instead of seeing what you sent as just another text, the other person may get in touch with their feelings toward you and respond appropriately.

I do try to use people’s names in all of my correspondence, and it helps me focus my attention on that person. I think it also makes my communication clearer as well as more polite. People generally respond positively to niceness. It’s not easy to be mean to someone who is being kind and cordial, so even if there’s an unsettled issue, being polite can only help.

Also, when I answer the phone, I use my name. I don’t just say hello (unless it’s an obvious marketing call or message). It’s precisely because things in our world have become so much more complicated that we need to keep the personal touch alive in our communication. It puts people at ease and shows you are fully present and willing to talk about whatever is on the table.

In face-to-face conversations, saying someone’s name once or twice is great — especially at the beginning and or end of a conversation — but it’s important not to overdo it.

There are other ways to make conversations more personal, and you can always ask what others prefer when it comes to verbal and written communications. That way, you know exactly how to make them feel heard.