The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer:
I can’t let the year 2020 pass with out noting the absence of the Arroyo Cafe Holiday Radio Show this year. It’s a hole in this ham’s heart.
I miss Jay Taylor, who left us last year.
It is with reverence I recall his rendition of “Grandpa got beheaded by a fruitcake”:
“Grampa got beheaded by a fruitcake
Walking past the nuthouse Christmas day
I knew that stuff was real hard on your stomach
Who knew that it could take your head away.
They never caught the maniac who threw it
He certainly was not a friend of mine
People are also reading…
Now we keep poor Grampa on the mantel
Thank goodness he was whistling at the time.
At bedtime we can walk right by and kiss him
And hope we do not see him in our dreams
They shouldn’t have put the light bulbs in his eyeballs
‘Cause all out nighty-nights turn into screams.
Nighty-night Grampa…”
You can find the shows on YouTube. Last night I searched for Mike Sterner’s song “Here comes Sandy Claws” which he performed, in character, as Wilbur the Wildcat.
“Here comes Sandy Claws, here comes Sandy Claws, right down Sandy Claws Lane!
Eight adorable poodles with sweaters are pulling on the reins. His sleigh is loaded with balls of yarn and lots of other fun toys, Like a cardboard box full of packing peanuts for kitty cat girls and boys.
We Love Sandy Claws, here comes Sandy Claus, right up Sandy Claws Road! He's as fluffy as a blow dried Persian and whiter than if it snowed At the amplified sound of electric can openers, hear those kitty cats cry. It sounds like if they don’t get fed soon, they very well may just die.
Here comes Sandy Claws, magical Sandy Claus, right down Sandy Claws Street! All the kitty cats that were good this year will get a selection of meat, So keep your plastic dinner bowl tucked beneath the Catmas tree. There’s parakeet patties and goldfish stew for kitties like you and me.”
Crystal Stark , Julie Anne Boos and Katherine Byrnes as ““Triple Threat” shook the bolts out of the Rialto with their swinging version of “Don't go walking in Winterhaven” sung to the tune of “Don’t sit under the Apple Tree”.
“Don't go walking in Winterhaven with anyone else but me,
Anyone else but me, anyone else but me.
No! No! No!
Don't go walking down Candy Cane lane with anyone else but me,
Anyone else but me, anyone else but me…
…Don’t sit under the Christmas tree with anyone else but me
’til I come swinging home!”
I loved MIke’s tribute to hiking Tumamoc, sung to the tune of “California Dreaming“:
“All the lawns are brown,
And the pools are green.
Back-home my friends are shoveling snow
To keep their driveways clean.
If a blizzard’s what I wanted
I’d go to Dairy Queen.
Tumamoc dreaming
This sunny winter day.
Slipped into some shorts.
T-shirt says UofA.
I mean U-Arizona!
I-climbed--up on my hands and knees,
My calves are DOA!
Thank God an ER’s near the trailhead.
St. Mary’s, Carondelet.
Tumamoc dreamin’
On this sunny winter’s day!”
It was fun to sing his “Jingle Bells.”
“Dashing through the desert
leaping over sand and rocks
Jumping cactus as we go
Getting spines stuck in my socks
Bats on bob tails flit
From ‘neath an overpass
What fun it is to run and laugh
Before falling on my asphalt driveway
Tumbleweeds, tumbleweeds
Tumble near and far,
Oh, what fun they are to catch
On the bumper of my car…”
I thought of our show as a celebration of the holiday and of Tucson itself.
“Mission bells ring, are you listening?
In the wash dew is glistening,
A beautiful sight, oh, we're happy tonight,
Living in our desert wonderland.”
And I will close with this poignant excerpt, written by Julie Anne and sung to the tune of “God rest ye merry gentlemen.” It offers comforting memories this difficult year:.
“God rest we weary Tu-cson-ans— it’s finally wintertime.
The Christmas lights are glowing and so’s this heart of mine.
4th Avenue looks festive, let’s go dine and drink some wine, ‘cause
We’re in Tucson and the sun will always shine —It always shines!
We’re in Tucson so the sun will always shine…”
Hey lyrics end with the promise of days ahead, days when I hope my friends will join me in downtown Tucson on a beautiful winter afternoon to once again rock the magnificent Rialto in downtown Tucson:
“…God rest we weary Tu-cson-ans—it’s finally wintertime.
Let’s decorate our cacti and mesquite so they’ll look divine.
We’ll walk ‘round Winterhaven with a nice bottle of wine
‘Cause it’s Tucson and the sun will always shine.
It always shines.
We’re in Tucson so the sun will always shine.”
