Dr. Barton Goldsmith: A life alone?

Family doesn’t have to mean biological relatives. I was adopted, so it was only by accident that I met a few of my blood relatives. Because we didn’t grow up together, we are mostly Facebook friends and are not involved in each other’s lives — and for me, that doesn’t really cut it. That being said, I have some very dear friends who will be in my life until I take my last breath.

These relationships are family and then some. I have helped my friends when they needed it, and they have done the same for me. If I lent them money, they always paid it back, and when I need help, they are there for me. Everyone has their own lives, but we care for each other in ways you wouldn’t expect from people you weren’t raised with or haven’t known all your life. My friends are my family. Like all people, we may sometimes disagree, but we are never disagreeable to one another.

Having good friends is priceless. To trust that you will always be listened to and never put down for what you are feeling, thinking or doing is such a wonderful gift — think of the money you save in therapy bills! Your family of friends is there by your choice, and hopefully they are wholesome people who are there for you in a nonjudgmental way. For some people, friendships can be far closer than family relationships, because the baggage that comes with the latter can be so difficult.

Everyone wants to belong somewhere. That’s why young kids with no one at home might end up bonding with gangs, just so they can feel they belong to something. We underestimate the value of connection. That pull can be so strong that it can even bring you into a world that is dangerous. If you have walked that path and decided to get out and make a real life for yourself, I commend you.

If you have chosen to remain alone because it is safer for you than being around people who could hurt you, that’s understandable. For some people, living alone is easier than relating to other people, and that’s OK.

Look at what is most important to you and works best. Go slow at first. It may cause you some sadness when you take a hard look at what you need and want from life. Everyone has to find their own level of comfort when it comes to friends and family.