Democracy is a great form of government.
Unless you’re a family.
Because, really, the only way to govern children is by dictatorship. Or, in our case — on Friday nights — a flicktatorship.
Friday is Family Movie Night. FMN. Sounds like a premium cable channel. I assure you, it is not.
It was the husband’s idea, started way back when. The premise was good: Everyone huddle around the TV together, bonding, watching something we could all enjoy, and — bonus for those under 5 feet tall — stay up later than the usual bedtime. Fun, right? Riiiiiight.
In the beginning, FMN was easy-peasy.
Fire up an animated flick, and everyone was happy. Then the kids’ tastes started getting more sophisticated. OK, so maybe “sophisticated” isn’t the right word since they were requesting things like “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” But they were definitely branching out. Movie characters could be actual, live people and didn’t have to break out into song every 30 seconds. Progress.
People are also reading…
But freedom is a privilege. And they got too much.
Soon fights were breaking out.
What started off as a sweet tradition dissolved, as do so many well-intentioned family activities, into a brawl.
For your reading pleasure, a recent, ahem, FMN exchange:
No. 3: “I want to watch ‘Thunderstuck!’”
No. 2, in her best Jon Stewart-imitating-Dick-Cheney grumble:“Uuuuuuuugh. That sounds stooooopid.”
No. 1, sounding as if someone were threatening to stab her: “Noooooooo!!!”
After a half hour of bickering and some intense sulking, we did indeed end up watching “Thunderstruck,” starring NBA star Kevin Durant playing himself, almost convincingly, in what had to have been a solid 1- or 1.5-star movie.
It was at that point that the Flicktator took over.
He schooled them in the classics: “E.T.,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Three Amigos,” “Overboard.” (That last one was me. I love that movie.)
“Yoooo vill vatch dees movie,” their father told them as he launched into the 20-minute, multistep process involving several remote controls that makes it possible to watch our TV. (And to answer your question, no, I cannot turn it on.)
Truthfully, he didn’t really sound like an Eastern European despot. But he was pretty stern when he told them we were watching “Hoosiers” and that was that.
“How old is this movie?!” No. 1 grumbled.
For all the grousing — and there was a lot of it — each and every kid adored the nearly 30-year-old “Hoosiers.”
Score one for the Flicktator.
Of course, next Friday is another story.
Contact Kristen Cook at kcook@azstarnet.com or 573-4194. Cook has finally settled on a name for her yet-to-be-picked-up reality TV series — “Dork Dynasty.”